#I might make this a thread and update every month

[erasumi]

There are 1,905 works in isat on ao3. I will be reading all of them. Every single one.

[fashion-runways]

hiii new pinned post again because the last one was outdated, there are links to the previous ones in that one as well. unfortunately there are no real updates re: my dad's wrongful imprisonment. at this point, they might be waiting until the statutes of limitations happen and it's over, i don't know. he has a therapist who's kind of expensive but we have to pay for and he has to go weekly because of all the trauma he has left from being in jail and from losing his job/not being able to find a new one because of this. his health got worse in there, too, so there are a lot of different doctors he has to go to, medications, etc. he's doing better every day, though, but that takes a lot of money of course.

i used to have a redbubble account that helped me get afloat alongside this blog, but it got suspended without notice and never got reinstated no matter how many things i've tried, so... that's another source of income that we lost. i used to make around 30/40 dollars a month there, now i make like 1/2 dollars on teepublic monthly, that's a huge difference. argentina's economy was always bad but it has been an absolute disaster since the current president got elected. prices rise literally on a weekly basis for everything from basic groceries to public transportation, power, water, phone bills, etc. my laptop's keyboard broke at some point and i almost had to buy a new one with money i literally didn't have, just going into negative numbers, but i managed to find a guy who replaced it for as cheap as he could. it was still expensive, but it was better than having to buy a new laptop entirely. would love to get a stable job, but that's always been impossible in this country, even more so lately. for updates on argentina in english, this person on twitter makes very good informative threads if you're interested.

on top of that my dog passed from cancer a few weeks ago, that was really expensive for us too, meds and appointments and special foods and everything that we could do to keep her happy until it was her time to go, and she was. i also started therapy around the time she was diagnosed (thank god) but my therapist had to rise her rates because of the economy mess i already mentioned, so... yeah. everything is exhausting and everything is expensive, and this is literally my only source of income. it's also the thing that i love doing the most and the thing that keeps me sane in all of this mess, so hey, never leaving. in fact, if anything ever happens to this website, you can always find me under fashion_runways on twitter or probably anywhere else. some of you guys mentioned not seeing my posts lately too, so if you can/want to, you can turn notifications on!

anyway yeah, all that to say i love this blog, i love fashion, and i love showing you guys new cool things and giving you guys ideas for art, or writing, or your own style, or just interesting stuff to look at. so if you can donate any money, that would help me more than you think. even a single dollar can change what i can do with my day sometimes, i swear. as usual, my kofi link: https://ko-fi.com/fashionrunways and my teepublic link: https://www.teepublic.com/user/dinah-lance. thanks for being around and sharing and reblogging my posts, thanks for asking questions about fashion, and of course thanks for helping to the ones who can, and thanks to the ones who can't too, i know how that feels like, don't worry about it. i love you 💖

[imaginespazzi]

Part 3: Miss Me, Miss Me Not

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15

And it hits me when the lights go on (shit, maybe I miss you)

(In which a lazy writer somehow still manages to make her deadlines, much to her own shock)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining and a teensy bit of Fluff

Words: 5.8K

TW: Swearing (once again I think that's it?)

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 I'm not gonna lie til about an hour ago, I very much did not think I was gonna give y'all a Monday update but here we are! A couple of housekeeping things, I went back and added months to the years so hopefully that's more helpful. I lowkey dislike this part but I felt like the fic needed it and I'm excited to write the next part. Ngl, the editing on this is pretty nonexistent because trying to read this back lowkey killed me so please feel free to point out mistakes so I can fix them. As always, let me know what you liked, and disliked and anything you wanna see going forward. I really appreciate all of y'alls feedback and the long reviews make my day! Have a good rest of your week lovies <3

September 2017

Azzi: just got home :) 

It’s a simple text and it should be easy for Paige to conjure up an equally simple reply. Instead she finds herself typing and deleting, over and over, because nothing sounds quite right. There’s this hollow feeling thrumming in her chest, that has only gotten stronger every passing minute since she’d said goodbye to Azzi at the airport. If she tries hard enough, she can still feel the remnants of their last hug lingering against every inch of her skin. She wants to memorize that feeling and create a blanket out of its threads to numb the ice cold shiver that’s been repeatedly running through her veins from the second Azzi had gotten on that plane. But even that might not be enough. Not when she’s learnt just how warm Azzi’s presence can be and how everything else pales in comparison. 

Paige lies to herself that it’s an accidental slip of her fingers, that she’d meant to press send not call, that she had every intention of hanging up the facetime on the first ring itself. 

But then Azzi picks up on the second one.

And really it would be rude to hang up. 

“Hey what’s up?” Azzi’s face fills the screen, tired eyes staring intently at Paige through the screen. 

“Oh um-” Paige fumbles for words, awkwardly shuffling her feet that are dangling off the side of her bed, “I just wanted to ask how your flight was?”

Azzi raises an eyebrow, “you couldn’t have texted me that?”

“Too tired to text,” Paige lies and the words i just wanted to hear your voice stay stuck, burning hot, in her throat, “gotta save these money-making fingers for more important things.”

“Yeah I’m hanging up-”

“NO-” it comes out far more forceful than it should and if possible, Azzi’s eyebrow shoots up even farther, as Paige clears her throat, “I mean- uh- you didn’t tell me how your flight was.”

Paige is too busy cringing at herself to notice the light blush that tinges Azzi’s cheeks. She’s too busy wondering why this girl brings out this nervous bumbling side of hers to notice the fond smile that almost cracks through Azzi’s lips. 

“The flight was okay. I actually got to sleep this time,” Azzi says pointedly and Paige laughs. 

“So what you’re saying is it was boring as hell.”

“I’m saying it was really peaceful not having someone yapping in my ear while I was trying to sleep.”

“So you didn’t miss me?” Paige presses, trying to keep her voice teasing despite how desperately she wants the admission. 

Azzi hesitates, as if she’s debating with herself, before, “I didn’t say that.”

It’s a little ridiculous how large Paige’s grin is but it’s okay, because Azzi’s smiling back, soft and shy. They’d look foolish to anyone else, the way they’re so intently gazing at each other through a screen as if there’s no barrier between them at all. 

“It’s gonna be weird going to the gym without you tomorrow morning,” Paige confesses after a second, moving to lay down on her stomach. 

“I bet. You’re gonna get absolutely nothing done without me,” Azzi teases dramatically before her eyes soften, “it’s weird that I’m not gonna see you at all tomorrow.”

There’s something gut-wrenching about that admission and yet, there’s something in it that heals a part of Paige’s heart that she hadn’t even known needed to be fixed. It means something to her that Azzi must feel it too. Because if she’s honest with herself, Paige had been just a little afraid that maybe the connection was just in her head, that maybe Azzi was simply tolerating her presence out of kindness. 

“You should just move to Minnesota,” Paige replies finally, “much nicer than Virgina or whatever.”

“Have you ever even been to Virginia?” Azzi asks, eyebrows raised as she flips herself to lie on her back, holding her phone above her in a way that lets Paige see entirely too much and yet not nearly enough. 

“No but it sounds boring as fuck.”

“Not with me,” Azzi says, biting her bottom lip sheepishly as soon as the words are out. 

Paige smirks, suddenly filled with a brand new confidence, “yeah? You’d make Virgina interesting for me Fudd? What would we do?”

Azzi licks her lips and Paige feels her mouth go dry. 

“We’d be together,” the younger girl says finally, averting her gaze as the depth of her words begin to make Paige feel like she’s being flooded by an ocean of emotions she’s not quite ready to feel yet, “anything can be interesting if we’re together.”

It would be so easy to come up with a sarcastic quip or tease Azzi for being a sap and yet there’s a certain sincerity in this moment that feels too fragile for Paige to feign nonchalance. 

“Is Virginia nice in the winter?” she asks finally, hands fidgeting with the hair ties secured around her wrist, “Minny’s a little too cold sometimes.”

Azzi’s eyes shine and Paige wants to try and read them, find the little clues hidden in her irises and solve the mystery lingering behind the crimson flush of her cheeks. But the truth is that Paige is a little scared of what she’d find, a little scared that discovering Azzi might mean discovering herself too. 

“You should come find out some time,” the brunette says, casual tone filled with intricacies of something far deeper. It’s the closest they’ve gotten to saying anything of actual substance and they tip-toe around saying what they both want, daring the other to ask first. 

“I dunno,” Paige says, determined to win the game, “I’m not in the habit of showing up to places without a proper invite.”

Azzi scoffs, “a proper invite? Are you expecting someone to send you a carrier pigeon with a gold letter addressed to her royal highness or something?”

“That would be nice,” Paige surmises and Azzi rolls her eyes.

“Does your back ever hurt from carrying that ego?”

“Only hurts from carrying my team.”

“Oh my god you’re so full of it.”

“Full of talent? Yessirrrr.”

Azzi huffs, “Paige.”

“Azzi,” Paige hums. 

“Do you wanna come visit me in Virginia during winter break?” Azzi says finally, a small smile playing on her lips like she’s okay with losing this game as long as it’s to Paige. 

“If I must,” Paige says dramatically, shrugging her shoulders and everything as Azzi lets out an offended squeak. But inside, her heart flutters at the offer, at the idea of seeing Azzi again, even if it feels like a lifetime away. Because as long as it’s Azzi on the other side, Paige and her impatient self can wait however long it takes. 

“Actually you know what nevermind, you don’t gotta come,” Azzi concedes bitterly,  scrunching her face (and Paige would never tell her this but she thinks Azzi looks just a little too cute when she’s mad and so maybe she riles her up on purpose)

“No takesies backsies Az,” Paige sing-songs before her lips uptick from a smirk into something more sincere, “hey Az,” she whispers, giggling to herself when Azzi pretends to ignore her, “I’d really like to come see you in Virginia during winter break.”

And as a brilliant grin dazzles across Azzi’s face, Paige realizes that her favorite thing about Azzi’s smile isn’t when her dimples show or when her eyes twinkle, it’s when it’s there because of Paige, when it’s there just for Paige. 

“Good,” Azzi whispers as they fall into a comfortable silence. 

There’s this serene sense of calm that laces itself around Paige’s nerves. Her normally fidgeting body is content to be perfectly still, an anomaly to her usual demeanor. The truth is that Paige isn’t the kind of person who’s okay with just existing; she likes to spend every second in motion, living out the high. There’s a part of her that’s scared of missing moments, scared that the people around her will leave her behind if she doesn’t chase them. But it’s different with Azzi. The younger girl makes Paige feel like it’s okay if she takes a moment to just breathe. Because Azzi will wait. Because Azzi won’t leave Paige behind. 

“Wait,” it’s a little while before Azzi pipes up, shaking Paige out of her thoughts, “what time is it?”

Paige’s eyes flicker to the time on her phone, confused by the line of questioning, “it’s almost 9 why?”

“Don’t you have a team party or something to go to tonight?” Azzi asks, face scrunching, “I swear you told me you had something tonight.”

“Oh-yeah- Amaya’s back to school thing,” Paige sheepishly scratches her neck, suddenly feeling itchy in her flannel shirt. She’d forgotten she was wearing that instead of her daily clothes. Hell, she’d forgotten she was supposed to be going somewhere in the first place, too occupied with other thoughts. 

“Bro get up,” Azzi orders, “you’re already late.”

“Nah it’s fine. I don’t think I’m gonna go,” Paige says and she thinks she should probably feel a little more guilty about it. 

“What do you mean you’re not gonna go?” Azzi asks in disbelief, “dude you’re the star of the team. You have to go.”

“Amaya will understand besides-” Paige drags in a deep breath, feeling vulnerable as the next words fall out in a quiet whisper, “I don’t wanna hang up yet.”

“Paige c’mon we can talk tomorrow,” Azzi tries to protest but it’s half-hearted at best.

“I wanna talk right now,” Paige argues, “you don’t wanna talk to me?”

For a second Paige thinks Azzi might just say no, might just chip away a little bit of heart with a well-intentioned rejection, but she doesn’t, “always wanna talk to you P.”

“Then don’t hang up. Talk to me.”

And Azzi does. All night. 

Two weeks laters there’s a letter, in an envelope with a picture of a carrier pigeon, that arrives in the Bueckers’ mail box. 

To her royal highness, 

Unfortunately I couldn’t find an actual carrier pigeon (I swear I tried) so this envelope and the mailman will have to do. 

~ You are formally invited this winter break to the Fudd family residence in Virginia. ~

(And you better show up Bueckers)

Yours, 

Azzi

February 2033

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” Ice whines petulantly as she makes herself comfortable on the couch across from where Paige is getting her makeup done, “this is parental neglect.”

Paige laughs, eyes closed, her makeup artist does her mascara, “you’ll survive.”

“You don’t know that” Ice argues, plucking a grape from the fruit basket before segueing into a rant about how boring Arlington, Texas is. 

Paige is grateful for the distraction her younger friend is providing. Her nerves had been on edge since the moment she’d woken up this morning, anxious to get the impending farewell press conference over with. She’d already started accepting that the Wings weren’t the right place for her but that feeling had only been heightened by her trip to the Valkyries. And ever since she’s come back, Paige feels a little bit like she’s sleepwalking through her final moments in Dallas. If she’s honest, she’s probably rushing things a little bit. There’s still plenty of time before she really has to move to Oakland but it had been her choice to move there as soon as possible. Paige had always been good at conjuring excuses and she had plenty as to why she needed to be in California so soon. But at the end of the day it isn’t about training or team bonding or any of the other hundred justifications she’s given anyone who’s asked. It’s about a little girl who’s eyes had been brimming with tears when saying goodbye, a little girl who had made Paige pinky swear that she’d be back as soon as possible. 

Really, Paige thinks she should be applauded for her restraint, because truth be told, the second Stephie’s lower lip had trembled, Paige had been prepared to ask Ice to just ship her stuff to Oakland so that she’d never have to let go of the little girl’s hand. 

And here’s the thing, Paige is willing to admit she wants to go back to the Bay Area for Stephie. It’s that pesky little part of her that’s desperate to go back for Stephie’s mother, to go back for one more hesitant yet lingering touch, that she won’t ever share with anyone else. 

“I never thought I’d live to see you and Azzi willingly playing together again,” Ice says as soon as Paige’s makeup artist leaves the room, “KK and I didn’t even try betting on it, we were that sure it wouldn’t happen. Shit I should have. I totally would have won.”

“Don’t y’all get tired of betting on my life?” Paige asks, rolling her eyes, trying to ignore the first part of what Ice said. 

“Betting on your life has made me hundreds of dollars bro,” Ice says, before a more earnest  look crosses her face, “but genuinely P, are you sure about this? There’s a lot of history there.”

Paige sighs, “it’s not about our history. It’s a basketball decision. And we’re both mature adults who know that. I’m just tryna win. Nothing else.”

“It’s never nothing when it comes to you two.”

“It is this time,” Paige argues adamantly and Ice raises her hands in surrender. 

“I just don’t want another set of teammates to have to deal with y’alls bullshit,” the younger girl teases, but it’s laced with a hint of seriousness that sends a flare of guilt shooting through Paige’s body. 

“Ice-” she begins.

But Ice is quick to change to a lighter subject, “can’t believe Jana’s the one that gets mom and dad back together. I always knew she was the favorite.”

“We didn’t have favorites,” Paige plays along, thankful for Ice and her ability to always keep the tension to a bare minimum. 

“Oh don’t lie. We all know you did,” Ice scoffs and then lets out a chuckle, “and now Azzi’s actually a mom. That’s kinda insane. And you met the kid right?”

“Yeah. Yeah I did,” Paige says and she can’t help the way her entire face breaks into a gleaming smile as her thoughts turn into memories of Stephie. She doesn’t even realize she’s gotten lost in a different world until Ice coughs, an amused grin playing on her lips. 

“You’re so royally fucked Paige,” Ice shakes her head, “the only person I’ve seen you smile that big for before is Azzi.”

“She’s a cute, smart, adorable kid, that’s why I’m smiling,” Paige tries to defend herself. 

“She’s Azzi’s cute, smart, adorable kid,” Ice counters. 

“That has nothing to do with it,” Paige protests again but it rings hollow to her own ears.

“Oh my god I needa call KK and get this bet started. It’s only a matter of time for real,” Ice says, more to herself than to Paige, as she whips out her phone, probably texting KK. 

“A matter of time till what?”

“You’ll find out Paigey,” Ice says gravely with a mocking smile, patting Paige’s head, “all in due time.”

***

The Dallas Wings media room is buzzing, reporters desperate to ask Paige questions and the blonde tries to maintain a smile despite the fact that her heart is lurching in her throat right now. Her opening speech had been short and sweet, parroting basically the same thing that had gone out on her social media the night before; she’d been desperate to just get it out. Generally, Paige is pretty good with the media, having been immersed in the spotlight since basically forever. The attention and how to maneuver it has always come naturally to her so she’s not sure why she feels so unnerved by it all today.  From the back of the media room, Ice sends her a thumbs up and a reassuring grin and Paige lets out a breath, glad to have at least that comforting presence with her. 

“Aidrian Ginsburger with Bleacher Report, Paige, you’ve obviously spent all of your career so far with the Wings, can you tell us a little bit about the impact this organization has had on you?”

Paige smiles at the question, letting her brain skim through pages and pages of fond memories she has of time spent with this team. It might be time to move on but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have plenty of cherished moments. 

“Yeah um- this place has really shaped who I am as a person. Since day one, the front office, obviously it’s a different one to the one I came in with, they did a lot to make sure that I was comfortable. My teammates through the years have been incredible and I wouldn’t be the player I am today without them. And of course the fans you know, they always showed out for the team, for me. Always supported me in anyways and I hope that I was able to give back the love to them that they always gave to me,” she says, suddenly nostalgic for the team that had started it all. 

The next questions are similar in nature and Paige’s answer varies only in words but not substance. She feels herself start to settle into it, now fielding the expected questions about the Wings and Valkyries with an air of confidence. There are a couple questions about Azzi that make her heart thump, but that was to be expected. It’s a pretty brilliant story in the making, two MVPs who used to play on the same college team coming together. Talia had warned Paige in advance that there was no avoiding it. But for the most part the questions have an easy answer about how Azzi’s a brilliant player and she’s excited to play with her old friend again. That is until a familiar hand shoots up and all the tension that had previously dissipated, comes roaring back with a vengeance. 

“Olivia Reynolds with the Dallas Morning News, Paige, as others have said today, you and Azzi Fudd played together at UConn and you were best friends.” Olivia’s eyes glint viciously, “I mean it’s pretty well documented how hard you tried to recruit her to UConn. But despite being best friends, the two of you have been never seen hanging out, outside of games and formal events, unlike your other teammates that is-”

“Is there a point to this?” Paige asks, hands fisting in her lap as she tries to keep herself calm. 

Olivia smiles, sugary sweet, “I was just wondering if maybe there was some tension and how that would affect your on-court chemistry at the Valkyries?”

“There’s no tension,” Paige lies through gritted teeth, “we didn’t hang out because we live far apart. There isn’t much else to it. And even if there was, Azzi and I are professionals. We wouldn’t let anything off the court affect our goal to win.”

“You lived far apart before UConn too, but that didn’t seem to stop you guys. What changed?” Olivia presses.

“Time did. Our lives did. There’s nothing sensational here. It’s just a case of two people drifting apart,” Paige says and the fabrication feels heavy on her tongue. If only it really had been that simple. 

“But clearly not that much,” Olivia says, and Paige glances at the moderator, desperate for an intervention, “there were plenty of fan pictures of the two of you out getting ice cream with Azzi’s daughter. It seems like you’re already fitting into that Bay Area life-”

“I’m not hearing a question at the end of your sentence,” Paige hisses and she can practically already hear the scolding she’s going to get from Talia once her agent gets wind of how this press conference had gone. The entire media cohort is watching the exchange with wide eyes, no doubt questioning whether they were embarrassed or impressed by their colleague. Ice is mouthing something to Paige, probably something along the lines of please keep your shit together, but Paige is steaming. Really, she should have expected this. 

“Well if you’d let me finish,” Olivia snarls, the façade of innocence dropping, “even if the two of you have drifted, as you put it, clearly there’s still a relationship there. How big of a role did Azzi Fudd play in your choice to move to the Valkyries?”

Paige sucks in a deep breath, nails digging into her palm at the question, “Azzi is the best shooting guard in the country. That was her role in my decision to move to the Valkyries. I don’t know what else you’re trying to imply, but I want to play with her because we play well together. That’s it,” she stands up and there’s pin drop silence, “thank you all for coming but we’re done with this press conference. 

***

Paige is seething as she exits the media room, Ice hot on her heels trying to calm her down. The sane part of her knows she should head back to the makeup room or even to her car, instead she finds her feet carrying her in the direction of where she knows Olivia Reynolds will be, reviewing her press conference notes by the coffee machine like she always is. 

“What the actual fuck was that?” Paige spits as she comes to a halt in front of the reporter. 

“I know you think playing basketball is the only job in the world Paige, but that was a reporter doing her job,” Olivia says, her calm and composed voice only furthering Paige’s irritation. 

“Bull-fucking-shit.” Paige sneers, “that wasn’t a reporter out there, that was my ex-wife grilling me like we were back in fucking divorce court.”

Olivia cocks her head, “oh so you do remember who I am to you then?”

“Oliv-”

“Because if you did remember, I’d like to think you’d have the courtesy to at least personally tell me that you were moving to your,” she drops her voice, “ex-girlfriend’s team instead of letting me find out with the rest of the world. You don’t think you owed me that?”

“That’s what this is about?” Paige sighs, “Olivia we’ve been divorced for almost three years now, I don’t owe you-”

“You didn’t owe Azzi anything either,” Olivia whisper-yells, the calm in her voice replaced by the same anger that had tainted the last year of their marriage, “but when we first started dating, you kept us a secret for months. You wouldn’t even tell your fucking teammates cause you were so scared she’d find out,” her eyes drift towards Ice who looks like she wishes she’d made a different decision rather than following Paige out here, “you said she deserved to hear it from you but apparently I don’t-’

“I didn’t mean it like that Olivia. Look, I meant what I said up there. There’s nothing between- ”

“Spare me,” Olivia says, as she stuffs her notepad into her bag, “you can lie to all those other reporters out there about how all of this is a basketball decision. You can even lie to yourself if you want. But you can’t lie to me, not when I spent four years fighting to keep our relationship from getting crushed under whatever it is that Azzi is to you.”

***

It doesn’t matter how far Paige burrows her head into her pillows, she can’t seem to stop herself from hearing Olivia’s words reverberating through her ears. The two of them had done well at co-existing in their social circles after the divorce had been finalized. While no one could quite call them friends, they’d done a good job at being friendly, being able to converse and share an occasional drink when in their combined friend group. And if Paige is honest, she knows she’s fucked up, knows she probably did owe Olivia a call. But calling Olivia would have meant calling someone who would inevitably make Paige face the truth, just like she had today. The truth that, even with the deal Talia had concocted with the Liberty hanging in the background like a dark presence, the move to the Valkyries was about a lot more than just basketball for Paige. 

She’s so entrenched in her thought that she doesn’t bother checking who it is when the facetime rings, irritation seeping into her voice as she answers it, face still buried in her pillows, “WHAT?”

“Miss Buecks?” a tiny voice comes through the phone and for a second, Paige thinks she must be dreaming, until she finally lifts her head to look at her phone, and Stephie’s small face lights up the whole screen. And it’s like she can feel little hands on her shoulders, slowly unknotting her tightened muscles. 

“Stephie,” she breathes out, a sudden sense of serene calm washing over her previously tense body. 

“Hi Miss Buecks,” Stephie says happily before she squints at the screen, “you sleep weird.”

Paige laughs, “and why’s that?”

“You’re not wearing pajamas and it’s only seven. ‘Dults don’t sleep at seven,” Stephie says matter-of-factly. 

“It’s actually nine here,” Paige says, a little surprised by the time; she hadn’t realized she'd been moping in her bed for that long. Ice had forced her to get lunch together, not wanting to leave Paige alone after the encounter with Olivia. Once she’d finally gotten back to her apartment, Paige had flopped on her bed, taking out her frustrations on her poor pillow. 

“That’s not poss-ble,” Stephie scrunches her face, “Mama’s phone says it’s seven.”

“It’s seven in California, it’s nine in Texas,” Paige tries to explain though by the way Stephie’s looking at her, she thinks she’s probably just confusing the girl more, “how’d you figure out how to call me babe?”

Stephie gives her an exasperated look, “Miss Buecks I’m five. I know how to use facetime.”

“And does your Mama know you're facetiming me?” Paige asks, eyebrows raised.

“She’s in the shower,” Stephie whispers, grinning sheepishly. 

As if on cue, Azzi appears on the corner of the screen and Paige feels her mouth run dry. The darker skinned woman is clad in a light pink fluffy bathrobe that ends right above her knees, giving Paige the perfect view of her long, toned legs that seem to shimmer despite the shitty quality of the facetime. Rivulets of water cling to her neck, delicately cascading down the valley of her breasts before disappearing from sight. And Paige must be dehydrated because never has she wanted to taste a drop of liquid more than she does right now. 

“Stephie,” Azzi groans, as she walks towards the phone and Paige gulps, heart beating faster with every step the other woman takes, everything about her becoming clearer and clearer, “what did I say about using my phone.”

“Only in em-a-gencies,” Stephie recites, “but Mama I had an em-a-gency.”

Azzi tilts her head, eyebrows raised as she gives her daughter a knowing look, “and what was your emergency?”

“I really, really, really, this much” Stephie stretches out her hands as far as they’ll go,  really, really, really, miss Miss Buecks.”

Paige feels her heart flutter. Stephie’s words feel like a hand carefully pulling her out from under the pile of stress she’d been buried under the whole day. It’s like the little girl is pushing away the rubble pressing against her lungs, turning the rocks into dust with a light touch and Paige feels like she can finally breathe. 

“Sounds like a pretty big emergency to me,” she says, relishing the way Stephie’s face lights up at the admission, “cause I really, really, really miss you too Steph.”

“See Mama,” Stephie says, placing the phone against a wall so can place her hands on her hips and look up at Azzi with a pleased smirk. 

Azzi rolls her eyes before glaring at Paige, “you’re a bad influence on her.”

“I’m the best influence on her,” Paige argues, sending Stephie a conspiratorial wink, “just you wait Az, I’mma teach her all the good things.”

Something unreadable flashes across Azzi’s face before she’s back to looking at Paige with an unimpressed arched eyebrow, “I am not letting you corrupt my daughter Paige Bueckers.”

“We’ll see,” Paige says slowly and Azzi shakes her head before turning to Stephie. 

“Alright Stephie bean time to go brush your teeth. It’s almost bedtime babes,” she says with a stern look 

“But Mama-”

“No arguing, you have school tomorrow missy,” Azzi reminds the little girl and Paige can’t help but marvel at the mother that Azzi’s become. And it makes her heart ache for the fantasies she’d dreamed of when she was in her early twenties. She’d always known Azzi would be a great mother; Paige had just naively thought she’d be there alongside her too. 

“Can Miss Buecks stay on the phone till I fall asleep?” Stephie asks, peering up at Azzi with big doe eyes, “please Mama pleeeease.”

“I’m sure Miss Buecks has other things-”

“I don’t,” Paige cuts in far too enthusiastically, clearing her throat to get back some semblance of restraint as both mother and daughter turn to look at each other, “I don’t have anything to do tonight so I can stay till you fall asleep Stephie.”

“YAYY,” Stephie cheers enthusiastically while Azzi studies her with a weary look, “I’m gonna go brush my teeth and then you can read me, my story Mama.”

With that, the little girl runs in the direction of what Paige can only assume is the bathroom, skipping with childlike joy as she sing-songs about something Paige can’t quite make out. 

“You know you don’t have to say yes to everything she asks right?” Azzi says slowly as she grabs her phone and sits on the couch. 

Paige shrugs, “I have time to stay.”

“Do you?” Azzi asks skeptically, “because from what I heard the Wings are having a little farewell party tonight, for you.”

Paige narrows her eyes, “and how exactly did you hear that?”

“I have connections.”

“You talked to Ice.”

“I talked to Ice,” Azzi concedes, “and I’m pretty sure you’re already an hour or so late for it.”

“Exactly. I’m already an hour late so why bother,” Paige says, sitting up so she can rest head against her headboard, “why were you talking to Ice?”

“I can’t talk to my friend?” Azzi asks slowly. 

“Of course you can but why specifically today?” Paige presses 

Azzi bites her lip, “I um- I watched your press conference today. You uh-” she averts her gaze, “you seemed really stressed at the end and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

A soft grin upturns Paige’s lips before she can stop it, “were you worried for me Fudd?”

“That’s not-” Azzi groans, “shut up.”

Paige smirks, “you were worried for me.”

“I was concerned for my future teammate," Azzi huffs, “besides,” her face hardens, “she was way out of line.”

Paige sighs at the implied mention of Olivia, “maybe but maybe I deserved it.”

“No you didn’t,” Azzi protests and that oh so familiar protective tone in her voice carves itself into every crevice of Paige’s heart, “no one deserves to be put on the spot like that. She was being unethical trying to dig into your personal life like that.”

“This is nice,” Paige says softly, unable to help herself. 

“What is?” 

“Seeing you get all defensive over me. It's nice to see you still care. I didn’t know if you still did.”

Azzi’s quiet for a second, gnawing at her bottom lip as she looks at Paige, “I’ve always cared Paige. And-” she hesitates as the tightrope beneath them wavers, “I’m always gonna care.”

There’s years worth of unsaid words lingering in the silence between them as they breach some unspoken rule they’d both inadvertently agreed to. And they both know that they shouldn’t be saying things like this to each other, that they’re teetering on the edge of falling into an abyss that has nothing but destruction at the bottom. But Azzi’s words feel like sunshine, like heat waves across her skin and Paige is so tired of feeling cold. 

Before either of them can say another word, Stephie comes back into the room, crawling into Azzi’s lap.

“I’m back,” she beams, completely unaware of the way the two adults are scrambling to act normal around her. 

“Here baby,” Azzi hands the phone to Stephie, “take Miss Buecks to your room. Mama’s gonna go change and then she’ll come read to you okay?”

“‘Kay Mama,” Stephie complies, pressing a soft kiss to Azzi’s cheek before running towards her room. For a second Paige’s screen is blurred in motion until Stephie fixes her again and Paige catches a glimpse of Stephie’s room, specifically the walls that are painted the perfect shade of Valkyrie purple. 

“I love your walls Stephie,” she compliments.

“They’re pu-ple,” Stephie exclaims, “that’s my favorite color.”

“First the ice-cream, now the color, you’re stealing all of my favorites kid,” Paige teases but she’s secretly pleased by this revelation. It’s dangerous how fast Stephie’s starting to whittle down Paige’s walls and build herself a permanent shelf in Paige’s cabinet of my people. 

“Can I tell you a secret Miss Buecks,” Stephie whispers, bringing her lips closer to the phone. 

Paige smiles, “of course you can.”

“I think Mama misses you too,” Stephie says softly and Paige feels her heart catch in her throat, “I heard her tell Nanna on the phone.”

“Can I tell you a secret Stephie?” Paige lowers her voice, leaning into her phone. 

“‘Course you can Miss Buecks.”

Paige swallows as the admission falls from her lips, “I really miss your Mama too.”

I miss her always and I think I’ll miss her forever. 

“What are you the two of you whispering about,” Azzi’s voice cuts in as she tucks herself next to Stephie, a children’s book in her hand. 

“Nothing Mama,” Stephie says immediately, winking at Paige through the phone. 

“Yeah,” Paige echoes, ignoring her erratic heartbeat, “nothing Azzi.”

Azzi looks between the both of them, clearly aware she’s being left out of something, but doesn’t push further. Instead she flips open the book, pulls Stephie closer into her arms and starts reading. If anyone were to ask Paige later, she wouldn’t have the faintest idea about a single word in that damn book. Because as Azzi’s soothing voice begins to lull Stephie to sleep, and the younger girl, despite her yawns, holds the phone up so the blonde can be included in every second of it, Paige feels herself being pulled into a dream she has no right to dream. She dreams of being in Stephie’s purple bedroom. She dreams of her and Azzi lying against Stephie’s lilac bedspread, their hands entwined in the middle over Stephie’s little body. She dreams of a forever that she’d long forsaken.

[just-honey-dewd]

LINK CLICK POST-BRIDON/YINGDU ARC THREAD ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

I don't usually post my rambles on tumblr (main) anymore, but haven't found a link click discord server to spam my thoughts in so here we go!

BRIDON BRAINROT IN CHRONO ORDER

Disclaimer: I made most of these in the middle of watching the season. Might've immediately been disproven from some evidence from episodes straight after, and updated it in real time.

LG's nightmare in episode 4 suggests there might not have been an overarching missing persons case in previous timelines. And supports the theory that the twins are newly introduced variables.

2. LG's logical deduction seems to operate under the assumption that he is the only party with the means to influence small changes in the timeline.

The wording of "things related to him" suggests LG is referring to Vein. So I see it as LG being fixated on Vein as a threat, and not registering LX -- who Vein seems to be working for, or Shao Yuanyuan, who is also affecting time to defy an unchangeable node.

3. LG seemed like he was being loosy-goosy with how accurately he would recreate the past.

I think this season shows us LG's development from approaching his "save CXS" goal without a clear MO, to learning how to utilise his abilities to create butterfly effects to achieve the desired result. Which involves more gambling and educated guesswork than he'd admit. The pokemon learns adaptive planning. I think my initial theory abt it being LG's 1st attempt diving back to the very beginning isn't entirely off -- I think he's off his game because he's not used to being this far back in the timeline. I think every time CXS died, he'd use his ability to dive back to weeks or months before.

4. LG seems to reciprocate the intense words a CXS echoed to LG long ago in the high school flashback ver of events.

I operate under the belief that that s1e5 flashback is LG's, and it's the original events of their first meeting. The CXS in this flashback seems comfortably forward in regarding LG as a long term partner (in that context, it seems to take place right after their first basketball game together).

Notably, there was a theory I saw that suggested this CXS was possessed by a future him -- not about to tackle that here. What observations I can make are that b4 LG made any promises, Bridon!CXS wasn't going out of his way to get closer to LG, it's mainly third parties and circumstances drawing them together.

CXS isn't the one reaching out to him when LG happens to pass the studio a couple months after that first meeting -- QL invites him

Evidently they're not that close, w/ CXS pulling the safe dudebro "hey you can come w/ me to check out the hottie" offer when he's enlisted to photograph the popular cosplayer of their uni's anime club

And he asks about and absorbs the club president's treatment of LG to gain more insight into him outside of physical activity. Still feeling out how to act w/ him

It's during the anime convention -- where he and QL learn abt LG's "divination skills" and witness those skills help Shen Miaomiao -- that CXS becomes more confident in imposing his will on LG

We get a time gap of at least a couple days, and CXS has now gotten used to having LG around as a free pair of hands. And he learns that with enough cajoling, anime club leader-style, LG will reliably fold to help him

Then, of course, LG helping him through the date, and then coming to save him when he gets kidnapped by loan sharks. When Vivian threatened LG's safety, CXS promised murder, and he prioritised LG's safety over securing Vivian's safety, so he was already very attached by that point

These events display CXS's character very well. Coming from a background of being ostracised and isolated by others, he's not openly looking for deeper connections beyond the fragile home he's maintained in the studio and w/ QL. As inviting and friendly as he seems, he's adamantly not one to impose himself on others, and was plenty content having fair-weather friends that seem to go to him for favours (the audacity of that Zhou Xun, I swear).

So where does the CXS from LG's flashback come from with such boldness? Where does this "good partners in the future" sentiment come from when Bridon!CXS needed a near-death experience to express that he begun to regard LG so fondly that he's scared of him disappearing?

5. Someone in that class used their ability to disrupt CXS and LG's telepathic link momentarily.

My money's on CWM cuz I think it'd make sense that after that random kid in the bg smiles at WQ cheating, he would approach her because of that act (and not that silly moment where CXS creates that mirror device to cheat that last question).

Also, LG seemed unfazed* by this incident, so it might be another blind spot for him; feeding my theory that LG is legitimately in the dark about everything to do with CXS's parents.

(1)* updated info at the very end

6. LG deciding this very moment the sacrifice he's willing to make once he "confronts" Vein.

7. Xia Fei def got some Bahati fire trauma locked in there or sth. I wonder if he has a power, and what power it'd be...

Also, why Vein would ask a question in that phrasing is beyond me. Is it like a "you didn't have anything to do with that fire, did you?" line? I mean, my first thoughts are if WQ knew Vein's real name, could that mean Vein was also in Bahati? Then I think abt how apparently Vein doesn't have powers (confirmed in an interview?) Then I wonder what's in it for Vein when he's helping LX get CWM's book.

Thoughts spiralling. Too much unknown variables. Can't compute.

8. CXS's first confrontation with reality

Reality being that LG is a savage lil shitster who'll tease him relentlessly even if CXS feels he's in an overwhelming or stressful situation. I also like to think LG did this cuz CXS seemed too flattered by Vein indirectly complimenting his appearance.

*note: the typed text in that image was not from anything in the show, I wrote a version of their exchange for fun

9. LG's mild expression... Resigned resolve, or detached acceptance? Why not both.

10. LG and Vein's back and forth exchange

For a guy who mastered keeping a straight face, it seems his eyes tend to give him away. Also I take it that LG is already beginning his plan, he's initiating conversation to get Vein talking -- revealing his clear disdain for him by asking why he lingers. Both give a non-answer to the other's questioning. Vein seems unfazed and rather amused by LG though.

Then with this question, I think answering the detective is a very sensible option -- if anyone ends up benefiting from the forest burning, it is the detective who's being compensated. Vein wouldn't be this enthusiastic over that. It's pragmatic and predictable in these types of story settings.

I think if LG were to engage with this question under a traditional clinical setting where he's safe to unload his feelings -- he'd take to the detective being the culprit.

11. Shao Yuanyuan did the "disrupt time to save my s/o" first

I'm thrown off by the line "If someone gets in, the timespace will be disrupted." At first, I assumed she meant if another person interrupts the timeline; i.e. LG. But she never specifies what she sought to do when she came to this time period to meet CXS, and apparently save CWM. It seemed whatever she sought to do is pre-destined to fail? Vein seems to interrupt in previous timelines, if LG's ability to plan around that indicates anything.

Another thing to note. As far as we know, she doesn't have someone like LG to cover her bases like CXS does. She seems to disregard hiding her personality from anyone -- so taking precaution for the safety of the possessed subjects doesn't seem to be a priority for her. All that matters is doing and achieving what she sets out to do. And if it's a miss, she'll facilitate other means through connections perhaps.

12. LG's speech to Vein seems very honest

LG villain monologued so hard, it only makes sense that he did so because he was very certain that he was speaking to a dead man. His last remark of "I hope we won't meet again" carries a tone of "I hope I won't have to dive back and meet you again" to me. Cuz LG has been in a reflective state for that whole episode (aside from the cute modelling montage).

The way he words it was very confusing, I had to type up the dialogue to digest it better. But LG basically says "I've been trying to figure out how to prevent CXS's death, but then I asked myself. What if his murderer was taken out of the picture? No need to fear the change. Just embrace it."

Implying that the reason LG fears deviation is point blank because deviation risks CXS's death being harder to prevent -- because he can't plan around unknown variables. But if such a deviation was for the purpose of eliminating a definite catalyst altogether, then he doesn't give a fuck.

I think after putting himself at ease with the belief that Vein has been eliminated -- this is when he's in S1, and is arguably less stressed and not forcing himself up flights of stairs to make sure events are recreated perfectly.

Everything should be hunky-dory, he knows most of the S1 events aren't lethal. That's why we can see 'Daily Life of Lightime' episodes -- LG thinks CXS's death node has been delayed at the very least.

"The future may not change due to a ripple of the past. Right now, I still don't believe I can come back here to change the past"

The Future: CXS's death a ripple of the past: killing Vein Right now: From LG's learned understanding change the past: sever CXS's death node

"All I want is to be with them and head to a new future. Because I know this is the last time."

a new future: a future that feels real. a future filled with hope. the last time: last time LG will be able to predict events. since he's locking in on letting paths deviate.

LG still has that jaded belief that things are hopeless. But he always chooses to chase after hope.

OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS POST-BRIDON CLARITY

Not like I can answer these questions rn, but maybe someone can! I'm up for suggestions!

Is SYY aware of LG’s interference with the time space? What could clue her in?

Is SYY’s secret she tells to CXS sth LG would already know abt?

Is LG aware of SYY’s exploits and influence as another time traveller?

Did Vein actually die in the Bridon arc or only by technicality?

What is the significance of Jack going missing alongside Xia Fei?

Is Bridon Arc seriously meant to be in the same timeline as S1 and S2?

In Bridon Arc, Shiguang meet in uni instead of s1e5’s high school backstory. Could this suggest that LG has spaced out checkpoints for opportunities to meet CXS between high school to uni (maybe even beyond)?

How does WQ's powers work?

How did CXS dive in and out of a photo to shield LG? The photo that was in front of LG was out of CXS's line of sight.

What did stalling Vein do to guarantee his death in LG's (usually paranoid) eyes?

Why does LX have a phone that read 2024 in it? What powers does this man have?

The director said someone in Bridon would actually die. Who would this be referring to? Was Vein's fake death actually fake? Or was he actually killed, but resurrected?

I think there's more to say, but I'll prolly reblog this post with more observations cuz this one's long as is. If there's anything I've missed or mistaken, leave your thoughts!

_________ updated edits: i went and fixed some grammar errors, missing text, and info discrepancies (1)*LG's reaction to losing connection with CXS during episode 5 is subtle on first watch, but on closer inspection, he is sweating heavily -- clearly having panicked

[comicaurora]

Out of curiosity, how far ahead are you on the comic? I mean, you must have it all planned and written out, but I imagine that you are drawing the future of Aurora even while we're reading it.

So is Arc 2 already illustrated and ready for upload while you're on like Arc 5 or something? I'm by no means undermining your need for a break; I'm shocked that you've been uploading continuously for over 4 years at this point. I'm just interested to know how long it takes a person to make something this great. And also if you change any details in the final edit?

Basically: what's the workflow like?

Also I think you low-key inspired me to pick up painting as a hobby. I'm ready to pour so much money into creating things that I know I'll hate. :)

God, arc 5? That's a very generous assessment of how fast I can draw!

Typically, when the comic is updating regularly, I keep a buffer of 10 to 20 completed pages. Right now, in the interest of taking a break, the buffer is 0 completed pages.

Chapter 1 of Arc 2 is completely storyboarded, meaning it's sketched out, the dialog is all mostly finalized barring last-minute rephrasements, etc. It can be read in its current form, it just looks unpretty. In fact, just for fun, here's a sneak peek!

In the next month I'll go through and finalize as many pages from this chapter as possible - which means locking down the panel borders, fleshing out the backgrounds, lining, shading, coloring, polish, etc. - which will be the process of building up a new buffer for when the comic starts back up again in January. During that time, I'll also be storyboarding Chapter 2 and as much of the following parts as I can manage.

I have the next several chapters and sub-arcs planned out in loose timelines - event A happens at location B leading to consequences C and D, stuff like that. Chapter 2, being the closest, is a little more fleshed-out, with a more detailed bullet-pointed timeline and various character ideas I've had that might or might not make it into the final version.

What exactly the chapter breakdown is going to look like is a little more complicated. Initially I'd planned for Chapter 1 to be low-stakes downtime and Chapter 2 to quickly kick off the high-octane adventure again, but when I started bullet-pointing out the stuff I wanted to do in Chapter 2, I ended up with a big pile of slower-paced character moments I thought were well worth exploring, so the runtimes might stretch a little.

Translating those brainstormed notes into storyboards and dialog is what I would classify as the "writing" part of this process. It happens at an erratic pace largely determined by the whims of whatever muse decides to get me in a headlock that day; sometimes I go weeks with no storyboarding progress, sometimes I hammer out fifteen pages in one day.

It's kinda like weaving, to me. The soon-to-be-arriving parts of the story are the most finalized, the most densely woven. A little ways beyond that, things get looser - some patterns may be locked down, but the actual work that'll hold it together hasn't been done yet. And in the far-flung future arcs, it's just the basic bones of the story and a pile of the threads I've planned to use. I know the shape of it, but in order for it to be fun and engaging for me to make it, I need to give myself room to be creative when I'm putting the whole thing together.

I actually have a file called the "Toolbox" that contains every random character or subplot idea I've had, and sometimes when I'm debating where to go with a chunk of story, I'll crack it open and scan through to see if anything jumps out begging to be used. Lotta fun stuff in there that may or may not ever see the light of day. Dropping stuff in the Toolbox is one of the most fun and freeing parts of the process for me!

[thenamesallison]

BLOG UPDATE!!

Hello everyone! Long time no see, hope everyone is doing well ^_^

I have made a couple tweaks to the status quo so to speak of this blog that I think might help Ally become a more consistent voice for me (aka I might be here more than once every four months!). So, basically the gist is:

From now on, all new threads automatically take place in the revolution is comin’ (pre civil war) timeframe unless previously discussed or it contextually doesn’t make sense.

Ally's voice has always been younger to me, and I think that's why I've struggled so much to write her after a while post-Endgame. Plus, that far after Endgame, her story feels finished to me.

In general, I feel like I'm going to be much more fast and loose with canon and timelines, because, really, who cares? This is for fun, so why should I restrict myself to "timelines" and "rules"?

I've updated her verses page accordingly (not much is different, just a few tweaks in wording).

Hopefully this makes sense; if it doesn't, comment or DM and I'll be happy to explain! Write with you all soon!

[butterflydm]

More s3 hints from interviews (day 2 & Josha!)

@markantonys linked me to a masterthread of More Interviews (twitter.com/GradeKangusBeef/status/1736788980006330448), which I have scoured for more s3 hints, lol. The twitter thread is being updated as they appear, so I definitely recommend the thread as a whole.

From a screenrant interview with Zoë:

Are there any future events or character moments from the books that you know about that you’re excited to get into?

Zoë Robins: Yes, definitely. I’m going to have to tread very carefully, but there’s a moment in season three that I think Wheel of Time book readers will be very, very happy about. It was incredibly exciting to shoot. I think that’s all I can say.

Guessing this will be the Nynaeve-Moghedien confrontation! The word 'exciting' makes me lean that way -- though we may get other key scenes from the books like Lan giving her his ring, not sure that would count as 'incredibly exciting to shoot' and would more likely be described as tender or sweet.

From one with Daniel:

One thing that is less present in the show so far compared to the books is Lan being kind of a mentor figure for Rand. Is there a chance we’ll get a little more of that as the show progresses?

Daniel Henney: I would say that I personally would not bet against it. I'm being shipped off in two months to a place very far away to shoot some really incredible stuff where I have to be in very good shape. I'm eating tree leaves and protein shakes, and I'm in a double training schedule right now, which could include some of the stuff you're talking about.

Another hint that we'll be getting Lan training Rand next season.

From a Dónal one from screenrant; this isn't about s3 but it's sweet:

Dónal Finn: It's great. I love the character very much for that reason. It’s a very human experience that when you're watching, you can go, “I can identify with that, because that person is trying to use levity and humor and lightness to make ease of someone else's difficult situation.” Even though it often can feel like he's kind of punching up or trying to jeer at Rand or something, he knows that it comes from a place of, like, “God, there's so much hard stuff going on for Rand in every day of his life that he needs somebody to do that.” Otherwise, when we meet him in Cairhien, if he doesn't have that—if he doesn't have Mat at that place—he may not laugh, and that's just really crap for your best friend.

I love this point here. I don't think I even realized how miserable as a baseline Rand was this season until we got that contrast of his reunion with Mat. We may be getting that dynamic continuing into s3.

Kate Fleetwood with dragonmount:

KF: Lots of things happen in Season Three... yeah… they sat me down and were like, “This is what we are planning for you in Season Three.” I was, whoaa! Ok…

Very vague, but interesting! I wonder if Liandrin will be a tug-of-rope between Moghedien and Lanfear next season, because Lanfear snagged her from Ishamael but Moggy might snag her from Lanfear.

The tiniest of s3 hints from Ayoola:

AS: A combination of things, I think like, it’s the writers and it is Naomi, my dialect coach, and I kind of spoke about that, it is that humor that the Aiel have that's kind of, can catch you off guard and isn't necessarily funny to everyone but they find it amusing… just where that hits I think and just kind of the situations and we're able to play with that and bring that in.  Also, Aviendha is kind of a little bit more cheeky than some of the other Aiel that we will encounter and kind of her humor is very much part of who she is. Just kind of playing around with that, and it just, it just came out and felt right.

We're gonna meet some serious Aiel in s3. Not a surprise, but good to hear!

Madeleine talked to decider.com:

So far what we know about next season is it’s going to be hugely inspired by The Shadow Rising. We’re going to see Rhuidean and Tel’aran’rhiod. Egwene is now coming out of being a damane. You know, is there anything about her experience with the Seanchan that might influence how she handles, say, another hard, foreign culture like the Aiel? Absolutely. Look, I think even from Season 1, we see that Egwene’s truly been a novice of the world and is fascinated with what is out there and what other people can teach her and what other cultures can teach her. I think she’s sort of taken little bits of the Two Rivers, the White Tower, the Seanchan… And, you know, she goes on this journey to the Aiel Waste and ultimately will, no doubt, learn a lot there as well. So I think she’s just like a big sponge for the world and wants to learn. 

Confirmation that Egwene is going to the Aiel Waste, which makes sense, given that's her TSR plotline. Also, Egwene as a big sponge for the world and constantly learning is just... absolute 100% Egwene.

Josha talked to looper.com:

For Rand, Season 2 was about finding himself and realizing that he can't run away from it. He needs to do it with the people he loves. Season 3 is finally time for facing what he has to face. He's owning that prophecy more, and we see glimpses of why Rand is the Dragon Reborn and why he'll end up where he needs to end up. As that evolution's taking place, what do you do to get into character as this character is evolving? I'm very lucky that I have 14 books, which I have read, and that has given me a lot. I really understand Rand, and it's a lot of things. It's the conversations I have with Rafe [Judkins], the directors, and the writers. It's playing with all these amazing actors. It's the sets. Everything feels so real, and at the end of Season 3, we go to South Africa for two months, and being in that environment, all those things added up together, that helps you to get into the character.

Very exciting! We know that South Africa is Rhuidean, I believe, so very exciting to hear.

Also, Season 3, that keeps on going, and that is a very interesting area to explore because Lanfear is the Devil, and you can't love the Devil. It feels at times that Lanfear is the only one that really understands Rand, and because Rand is often very lonely in what he feels and sees, it seems like, at times, he can't express it to anyone else, and she's exactly what he needs — but she's the devil. That was very interesting for us to explore, and I secretly hope that Rand and Lanfear marry, but I don't think that will happen.

lol @ Josha. Anyway, yes, they're going to be exploring Lanfear trying to tempt/manipulate Rand more in s3, sounds like, so she isn't going to pay attention to Moghedien's warning for too long.

Again, without spoilers, what's next for Rand and the Emond's Field Five heading into Season 3? What can we expect? That's a good question. What can you expect for Season 3 without getting into spoilers? Well, they're together again. There is way more togetherness than in Season 2. That's exciting. It is fun to follow all of you guys, but there's a lot more momentum when you're all together. That's also quite hard for them, because these main characters all need to become something eventually. Because they are so close, it also creates some inner conflict. Rand, for example — if someone has been to your first birthday parties, it is very hard to become the most powerful channeler in the world and also the most dangerous man in the world, because they know your parents and they know who you were. That is one of the struggles they're facing now that they're together at the start of Season 3.

I would like to paste that last sentence from his first answer directly into the brains of everyone at reddit who believes that s3 is going to start with everyone all split up into separate plotlines and we're not going to get any group interactions.

Great answers from Josha in this one!

Screenrant also talked to him:

How do you interpret Rand’s relationship with Egwene in season 2? It’s romantic in the first season; do you feel like there’s a thread of that still there?

Josha Stradowski: I think a thread of that romantic relationship is definitely still there, because it gives this feeling of home for the both of them. They have been to each other's birthday parties. I think that is, on a human level, very [much] what they both need. But I think it also might transition to something else; more like a brother/sister kind of love. But that’s season three, maybe.

I'm really glad they asked him about Egwene!

Rand only reunites with his friends from the Two Rivers at the end of the season, and we haven’t seen how they are around him [after] knowing that he’s the Dragon yet. Can you say anything about what that dynamic is for season 3? Are they afraid of him?

Josha Stradowski: I think for all the main characters, they get what they need, and that is each other, but for all of them comes the internal conflict that they also feel like they need to become something else. It's like this growing pain, and I think Rand has that quite a lot. I feel like he wants to be there for his friends, he knows that he needs to be there for them to protect them, and the other way around as well, but he also needs to become the most dangerous men alive. How can you do that with someone that knows your dad, or the girl who kissed you for the first time? I don't know if that's Egwene, but in my head it is. So, I feel like they all struggle with this growing pain, but you see why they are friends, and you see why they are together; why they are the main characters of this story.

More that implies that we're going to be seeing EF5 interactions before they split up.

Collider also talked to him:

I've been reading the books, as well, and I think that's one of the sadder parts of Rand's journey, as you see how he's viewed through other characters, and the sadness of them reconciling their memories of him with the person that he now is kind of forced to become. Speaking of love relationships, though, I talked to Ceara and Rafe about Rand and Elayne's first meeting. What was important to capture in hinting at what this relationship is going to be, as well as the surprise of that connection? It feels like these are two people looking at each other for the first time and thinking, “You're going to be someone special.” STRADOWSKI: Yes. And that's what I take away, quite often, from the books as well. I have that with Selene, for example. There are a lot of moments where Rand can't get a word out of his mouth because he's so in shock at the beauty of this woman in front of him — and we didn't really have that with Selene, not like that in the TV show, but we did have it for Elayne. It's, like you said, a hint of what it could be, but I feel like it's subtle. It's a gradual thing which needs to be organic, and we might have some of that in Season 3, but I can't spoil that.

He talks a lot more openly about Selene/Lanfear in general -- which makes sense, because that's the relationship that was on the screen in front of us, while the Elayne relationship is gonna have a lot more spoilers involved -- but we get this hint here and I like hearing that the plan for Rand & Elayne is to be gradual and organic (which will be a big contrast to how the Rand/'Selene' relationship was introduced).

I will point out that Josha seems pretty careful overall about spoilers, mostly talking about things pretty vaguely and with ambiguity, so it feels like part of why he's talking about Lanfear so much is because she's one of the few things he's allowed to openly talk about at this point.

Lan training Rand is something that I think fans are excited to see, so I'll ask you the same question that I asked Daniel: can we look forward to that in Season 3? STRADOWSKI: What did Daniel say? He said he's back on the Warder diet, but then he also referenced your recent Instagram post and said that he needs to trim up to stand next to you. STRADOWSKI: Well, you can tell him I'm on the Dragon diet. Like you said, I'm also very excited to finally see some Lan/Rand swordfighting. I think it's time.

It cracks me up that Josha feels out how much Daniel might have spoiled before he says anything.

[amourists]

A guide to decluttering your phone

If you’re someone like me who uses their phone the moment they wake up till the second they fall asleep (7 hours screen time yikess) it’s important to keep your phone organised and up to date. some of these i’ll do every few weeks and others once a year depending on how cluttered it feels.

clean out contacts and update info - every year i’ll go through my contacts and delete any numbers I don’t want anymore, add names to numbers I haven’t saved etc

delete any unused apps - this saves so much storage and space but I don’t have to do this often as I try to be mindful of what i download - think if you really need an app for it or if you could just use it on your google browser. optional; organise your apps into folders for different categories e.g games, school

update apps - something I do every few months; go into the app store and update the apps I have so everything runs much smoother with no bugs

delete unwanted photos and videos - one of the biggest reasons for lack of storage is your photos app. I know so many people who have basically the same picture x15 or 5 minute long videos of fireworks - whilst memories are important to keep, having a cluttered camera roll can make going through these memories hard - clip videos so they’re under a minute, clip the main parts, delete any duplicates and get rid of screenshots you don’t need - I do this every few weeks

organise photos and videos into albums - mostly just for aesthetics, i like to make albums of photos i’ve taken in different countries, an album for food, nails etc something that can be done in a car ride if you’re bored

delete unneeded text threads - this also takes up storage and most of these you wont even look back on. it can also be good for your mental health - delete that text thread with your ex so you can stop looking at it

reminders app - I have so many random to do lists there that I just forget to check off heh

clock app - delete those alarms you don’t need and all those different world clocks you won’t refer to

calendar app - add new events like peoples birthdays you need to remember and delete any reoccurring events you don’t need anymore, organise with different colours based on if its for school, work or personal.

update software - if my phone is glitching out 9/10 its because i haven’t updated it in a while

delete unwanted notes - the amount of notes i have with random letters or numbers… it makes it hard to find the notes i actually need so i’ll go through them every few months

notifications - go to your settings and turn off any notifications you don’t want to receive and go through any notifications you might have missed aka those 99+ messages

emails - delete and unsubscribe from any you don’t need

delete tabs on google/safari - all my safari tabs stay open if i close the app so sometimes tabs i don’t need pile up

change phone layout - change your wallpaper, make different lock screens, change app icons, add widgets and change the layout to make your phone feel more refreshed

most of these can be easily done in road trips or just when you’re bored, lmk if i missed anything you do!

[ratinayellowbandana]

lavender thread // a curated imodna playlist

I started curating this playlist over two years ago, and it’s still one of my favorite creations because I put arguably way too much thought into it. I soft-launched this a couple weeks ago, and I was genuinely surprised by how many people checked it out.  

It’s in rough chronological order from pre-relationship to post-campaign. Every song goes through a fairly thorough vetting process for thematic appropriateness, accuracy, tone, and genre. For example, if there are too many references to modern technology, days of the week, months, real places, religion, etc., it will likely be cut to build the "world of the story." Imodna playlist, but make it hyperspecific. Like, corpse falling in love with an embalmer specific. (you can find the "rejects" here)

Right now, the playlist is broken into two acts, with a prologue, an epilogue, and a couple of sub-sections sprinkled in. I personally recommend not shuffling, at least on a first listen, so you get to experience the full journey. But hey, I can’t stop you.

This playlist is a constant work in progress. I’ll add new songs I find that feel fitting, and sometimes they live at the bottom of the playlist for a while before I get around to slotting them in. “Dance in the Graveyards” will always be the end of the structured playlist. Rarely, I’ll remove or shuffle a song if I think it doesn’t fit the vibe, the lyrics aren’t specific enough, or it’s just not working. 

I’m making this post to share my playlist with anyone else who might want it and to write down my reasoning for every song so I don’t forget it. It’ll be updated as new songs get added. Enjoy!

I laid out my reasoning for each song mostly for my own benefit. You'll see the "section," song title, artist, a little blurb from me, and one/two of my favorite or the most relevant sections of the song. Sometimes, I just had to pick something because the whole song was perfect.

Prologue: 

“Stories” - Lilli Furfaro

It’s a beautiful framing device. It’s the premise of the game, the world, the show, and the characters. Fun fact: I found this song two full years before I learned she made a whole Vox Machina album lol.

“We are stories / Bеginnings, middles, ends / Our power lies in living lives that touch a life or two [...] / In this world we’ve built on games of chance / And hours of introspection”

ACT 1

Laudna, Before:

A general note: I looked for songs that were just slightly off-putting with darker over and undertones to match Laudna’s energy.

“Old Churchyard” - The Wailin’ Jennys

Welcome to the world. Foreshadowing and a set-up for the downfall of Whitestone. Speaks to the exhaustion. I imagine a tiny Laudna being ever so hopeful that it might get better but embracing the eeriness of a graveyard in the meantime.

“I rest in the hope that one bright day / Sunshine will burst through these prisons of clay / And the trumpets will sound on the hills near and far / Will wake up the dead in the old churchyard”

“Funeral Bell” - PHILDEL

The aftermath of the banquet. The fear, sadness, and resignation. The sense of relief. 

“Oh mother, I’m scared to die. / Where, where do my good deeds lie? / Oh father, I’m scared to live, / Takes more than I’ve got to give.”

“Apple Tree” - Marika Hackman

Hanging from the tree. A crowd gathering. Wanting to be remembered. Enough said. 

“Here I hang for the sated crowd / To look upon my eyes, look upon my mouth / And say, ‘We were there that day / I saw a face, heard a sound’”

“Special Death” - Mirah

Asking, “Why me?” A sense of confusion and loss along with the saving of Whitestone. Concludes with the beginnings of the la-la-las. 

“But it's a special death you saved / For me, the brown-eyed daughter”

“Ain’t No Grave (Sparse)” - Crooked Sill, Aoife O’Donovan

It’s a little on the nose, yes, but I chose this version specifically for the sense of emptiness it evokes. There’s an implied skepticism of seeing people you think you’re able to trust, specifically “gods’ people” (as I’m choosing to interpret it), and thinking of the clerics who saw a monster. The dismay of being resurrected into a world that hates you. We’ll see if this one sticks; it’s a little heavy on references to Christianity.

“Ain't no grave gonna hold my body down / When I hear that trumpet sound / I'm gonna get up out of the ground”

“Don’t Know Who I Am” - Rebecca Roubion

The distinct loss of identity and a surprisingly apt description. Laudna had no name and no sense of self or what she was. She’s searching for something to identify.  

“Black tears on my shirt / Black tears on my freckles / I've been stung by this hurt / I've been stung by a stinging nettle”

“Lying Beast” - Run River North

Running. Running far and fast, leaving home behind. Seeing herself as a beast and being terrified of it. So alone. 

“And so I flew away with myself / I was the beast all alone in my hell!”

“Drinking Song” - House Phone

What could she have become if she hadn’t been murdered so soon? We see her begin to play and fantasize and dream and grow. 

“'Cause you won't rewrite history / To commemorate the likes of me / And you would not believe me if I tried / To tell you all the things I've seen / And all the places that I've been”

“Mile Magnificent” - molly ofgeography

Starting to explore her magic and Delilah’s influence in her head. It starts to feel... good? The pent-up frustration and anger have a release.

“We bloom beneath the blessings of a goddess with no face [...] / All my better demons have gone the way they came”

“Stolen Roses” - Karen Elson

Digging into the anger, searching for a purpose. Too old and too young at the same time, forced to grow up too fast. 

“There once was a time when I was a girl / That darkness hung in my sky / I was old before I learned to be young / Stone cold till I learn how to cry”

“These Bones” - Azrai (ft. Momo O’brien)

Searching for a home, a place to rest. Crossing the sea to Marquet. (The intro, as you’ll hear, foreshadows the pluckier sound of Imogen’s section.) Skeletal imagery. 

“I am a long time finding home / I have only ever wandered before / It′s a savage sea we're made to roam / Every tide can turn to haunt us / But the ocean reaches past these ghosts / And I will always sail for more” 

“Mountain Song” - Little Chief

A beautiful, adventurous musical introduction. Open to the possibility of new things, still weary, but there’s more here. 

“I’ve been living in a hole in the mountain / Ain’t no sins in there / Oh, these memories they keep on following”

This is our transition into...

Imogen, Before:

A general note: I tried to seek out songs with more of a folky-bluegrass vibe for Imogen to match her background. 

“Second Child, Restless Child” - The Oh Hellos

I imagine a very young, carefree Imogen. Well before her powers kicked in. I like to think she thought she was a bit of a troublemaker, but anything she did was so endearing and mild that it was sweet. A happy kid with big dreams until the signs of something else started to appear. 

“With a spirit running wild, running free / And they saw trouble in my eyes / They were quick to recognize the devil in me”

“I’ve Endured” - Tim O’Brien

Growing up with her father in the mountains and in the fields. The nightmares begin. But this is fine, right? She can handle this. 

“I've seen the lightnin' flashin', I heard the thunder roll / I've endured, I've endured / How long must one endure?”

“Wander. Wonder.” - The Arcadian Wild

The powers are coming on strong. Post-nightmares and in pain, nothing she did was good enough. She felt trapped in her own home, shackled by her mind and father, perhaps, as she tried not to let on that she was changing.

“Half awake I wander through this house / Lost in a labyrinth and left with no way out / I built this hall of mirrors all myself / Faces staring back at me look like somebody else”

“Lost in My Mind” - The Head And The Heart

Everything is So Much. Thoughts of leaving but–

“Momma once told me / ‘You're already home where you feel loved,’ / I am lost in my mind / I get lost in my mind”

“Trouble and Woe” - Ruth Moody

The voices are awful, and the world is so bleak. People are cruel. Getting worse, and hoping it will get better. 

“This world is full of trouble and woe / All I see is trouble, everywhere I go”

“Little Bird” - The Weepies

People have noticed. Trips to town are much harder. The voices are louder. 

“Sometimes it's hard to say even one thing true / When all eyes have turned aside, they used to talk to you / And people on the streets seem to disapprove / So you keep moving away”

“Storm Comin’” - The Wailin’ Jennys

It’s getting worse. Nightmares getting more frequent. Control is slipping. And, you might notice this song is by the same artist as Laudna’s first. I do love a bit of symbolism. 

“Will you listen to that thunder roar and let your spirits soar / When that love calls, open up your door [...] / No, don’t run from the coming storm, ‘cause it can’t keep a storm from coming.”

This leads us to…

Connection

General note: a blending of both genres and styles. 

“Mostly” - Vian Izak, Juniper Vale

A prelude, almost. Are you real?

“I've bought up all my dreams and sold off most my heart / I'd been lying to myself just to bury all my thoughts”

“Maybe” - The Henry Girls

The timid hope of meeting someone and realizing you feel like you’ve known them all your life. Suddenly, things might be okay.

“I feel like I should know you / I feel like we have met before [...] / And all these things that I don't really understand / Would be much simpler if you'd only hold my hand”

“Dandelion” - Heather Maloney

A moment of peace. I like to think of this as Laudna’s adoration of the natural world and its beauty. Her will to bend the laws of the world to give Imogen what she deserves. And, on a more literal level, to offer Imogen the gift of flowers because Laudna has little else to her name. This song also begins the recurring flowers-in-hair motif.

“I have nothing but these weathered hands / And I live nowhere on this wild land”

“Rain Clouds” - The Arcadian Wild

A connection over shared struggles from both sides. A mutual agreement of trust. 

“I’m being frightened by the people / They look at me like I’m a scar upon their perfect skin / Perfect to only them / I’m being shadowed by my past / Reminding me of what I was and what I could become” 

“Daylight” - Watchhouse

Realizing that this person might’ve saved you. 

“My search was unending, and my soul was bare. And darling you came to me like a midnight flare.”

“The Devil In You” - The Haunted Windchimes

The joy of being seen. Of being known. 

“I've walked a long long way it ain't new / Here I sit face to face with the devil in you / It looks a lot like someone I've spoken to / We were broken together it's true”

“Curses” - The Crane Wives

The fear that neither is good enough for the other. Basic choice? Maybe. But it’s too good to pass up. 

"Every word I say is kindling / But the smoke clears when you're around / Won't you stay with me, my darling / When my walls start burning down, down, down?”

“Wildflowers” - The Wailin’ Jennys

You deserve better. You deserve the world, and I can’t give that to you. The feeling that this is too good to be true. Surely, it can’t last. 

“Go away somewhere bright and new / I have seen no other / That compares with you”

“Bruised Feet” - Haunted Like Human

Laudna’s invitation to leave. Together. An escape from mistakes and the past. 

“Do you want to hear the stories these bruised feet could tell / ‘Cause I’ve been chasing sunrises, throwing change in wishing wells / And I’m running to and I’m running from and oh Lord knows that I ain’t done / Running for the sake of running wild, so come with me child”

Unless...

ACT 2

On the Road

“Light in the Sky” - We Banjo 3

And they’re off on a search for knowledge and freedom. 

“So if you’re lost in the night / Stuck between the demon and the knife / As it traces a line across your heart”

“Apple Pie” - Lizzie McAlpine

Transient, finding solace in one another. Home after home. How long can this last? This one has a few more references to modern things than I’d like, but I can’t pass up the vibes. 

“Every house looks the same in my dreams / Every house feels like home for a couple weeks / I've been runnin' 'round trying to find a place where I can breathe...Home is wherever you are tonight.”

“Almost Home” - Keston Cobblers Club

In search of a person, a place to settle. As long as they’re together. 

“The clouds will break the wind will brace these sails of stone / And I have never known a journey take this long / But I'm almost home”

“You and Me” - You+Me

They fit together. 

“They say everything, it happens for a reason / You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person / Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart / Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark”

“Witchcraft” - Vian Izak

I like to think Imogen is... realizing some things, and getting attached. (We all know she fell first.)

“It's witchcraft / And I've got no defense for it / The heat is too intense for it / What good would common sense for it do?”

“For My Emablmer” - Emily June

Laudna’s turn. Still seeing herself as a dead thing, a little confused by Imogen’s friendship but embracing it all the same.

“I hope you know I won't complain / If I decompose and you're to blame / Abandon your duties, lay down next to me / Grab my hand, feel no shame”

“Home to Me” - The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Keep coming back to each other regardless of what other people think.

“How dare you love me like you've never known fear / You've got more troubles than minutes in the year / And a voice like your father's tells you nothing good's for free / Well, that may be / But you're walking home to me”

“The Moon Song” - Brittin Lane, Mitchel Morse

Foreshadowing the importance of the moon later. For now, it’s peaceful. 

“We're lying on the moon / It's a perfect afternoon / Your shadow follows me all day / Making sure that I'm okay”

“You Are My Sunshine” - Lena Hall

Contrasting the last song, when the moon becomes too much… there’s the sunshine. Specifically for Imogen constantly fighting the pull of the moon, Laudna is the sun, her spark, her light. What happens if she disappears?

“As I lay sleeping / I dreamed I held you / In my arms / When I awoke, dear / I was mistaken” 

“Two” - Sleeping At Last

These two self-sacrificial, loyal, dedicated characters. Bonus points for “I will love you without any strings attached.” A double meaning for Laudna and Delilah.

“No, I don't want to talk about myself / Tell me where it hurts / I just want to build you up, build you up / Till you're good as new”

The Campaign

“Growing Up” - Run River North

Apt for both of them as they come into their own. Growing together as they explore the world, adventure with their friends, and learn to take what comes.

“I used to close my eyes / To what stirred under my bed / Now, they're open wide / To the monsters in my head / Instead of claws, they whisper lies”

“I found my way without your help / With broken family / I'll take my breaks with my sins / Do as I do, please / With my friends 'til the end / There lies my loyalty”

“Anything Can Happen” - Tors

Imogen is being pulled. 

“But even when I start to dream / Every little piece of me / Gets a little close to the edge of darkness / I know I've been here before / Long as I'm not falling off / I'll be fine”

“Crawl In” - Upstate

Things are getting harder, but they’re seeking comfort in each other after nightmares and bad days alike. 

“Crawl in my head tonight / Read my thoughts so I don't have to speak / It's been a long, long week but I'm tryin’ / To make do and stop fussin’ and fightin’”

“Bottom of the River” - Delta Rae

The crickets chirping continue the nightmare-ish theme of the last song. However. Shit’s getting real. Holding onto each other as they sink deeper. 

“Hold my hand / Ooh it’s a long way down”

“Raise Hell” - Brandi Carlile

Can’t believe Laura Bailey beat me to this song by 2 days with her Imogen playlist. It’s the perfect mix of angsty and bluegrass-folky. Being born cursed and learning your strengths. May or may not stick because of the substantial references to Christianity, but I do love it for Imogen coming into her god-like power.

“It came upon a lightning strike / And eyes of bright clear blue”

"I'll Bend But I Won't Break" - Red Moon Road

First of all, could that band name be any more perfect? Second, this song is such a good tribute to Imogen's character. The tempo is quick; the drums like rolling thunder; and allusions to dreams, storms, the dark. "Still I will endure" calls back to the second song in Imogen's section, "I'll Endure," and "Still in the eye of the hurricane" is both great storm imagery and foreshadows "Hurricane" which is a song further down the playlist. I imagine this during Otohan Round 1, but it may shift around the playlist depending on how I feel about the flow.

"Lighting lights the sky like it's looking for me / Flashes of the forces the dark has set free / Thunder strikes the land / With the mighty heavy hand / It rocks me to my core / I won't fall down / I'll stand my ground / I'll bend but I won't break"

“Bury Me Smiling” - The Ballroom Thieves

Laudna’s second death. Love and loss. 

“I stood in silence / A mind's worth of violence / Strung me a short rope / Round my neck / A love like an old home / Breathes in these dry bones”

“Afterlife” - Haunted Like Human

Laudna on Imogen’s desperate search to get her back. Asking Imogen not to waste her time. The choice to return. I particularly love the chimes. Musical thoughts and the reflection of death. 

“So darling don’t go digging up graves / When love is lost the afterlife is a choice you gotta make / So put the nails in the coffin, let them rust in place / But darling don’t go digging up graves”

“The Mountain Song (First Dance Version)” - Tophouse

The “I would do anything for you” of it all. Resurrection. Hope. Bonus points for flower-in-hair motif.

“Well the clouds rolled in / There was lightning there was thunder there was rain / As we hid beneath our shelter / All the doubts that we had felt / Came pouring in as a flood we had to face”

“Flowers in My Hair” - Wes Reeve

Yearning. A bit of good old fashioned wanting what can’t be had. I imagine this is the last of the first Whitestone visit and the orange tree is the golden glow of the sun tree. Whitestone Andy mention? Continuing flower motif. 

“I had a dream of a boy who loved me and / We danced in the leaves of an orange tree [...] / Then I went my own way, and you crossed the highway / But just maybe someday we’ll be, my pretty”

“Haven” - We Banjo 3

The Rudius arc is kicking into gear. “You have the biggest spark of anyone I’ve ever seen” vibes. 

“The moonlight's a path we can travel down / River runs wild with what has gone before / Cast aside for new and more and more and more and more and more and more / Let me be your haven / Let me be your light”

Moon Arc

“Wax & Wane” - Alana Henderson

Oooh tension. The drama. The moon is affecting the relationship. We’re starting to see a shift to a darker mood around the Solstice and all that’s around it. Mirrors “Moon Song” - “There’s nothing I’d keep from you.” Oh yeah?

“But we bent and we broke and I meant what I spoke / And the blame game does not produce a winner / We went as far as we could go we had to go that far to know / That we had nowhere left to aim / And no one left to blame but / The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide”

“The Moon Will Sing” - The Crane Wives

This reminds me of Laudna during the separation and immediately after, starting to question everything, seeing herself as dark. That extreme co-reliance. Clinging to each other. Is it a good thing? Laudna starting to lean back into Delilah’s burn. 

“The moon will sing a song for me / I loved you like the sun / Bore the shadows that you made / With no light of my own / I shine only with the light you gave me [...] / I want to feel the fire that you kept from me”

“Always You” - South for Winter

The rush of reunion. The high-pitched start, disbelief. Then: the warmth of returning to Your Person. Being able to rely on them. A bright spot. 

“Should the blood red tides run o’er / Should our nightmares all come true / Should we lose this holy war / I know there’ll still be you [...] Oh my love / The skies are growing colder / Oh, my love / I need you more than ever”

“Tether Me” - Galleaux

In addition to the obvious tether relation, they’re both feeling pulls in different directions: Imogen to the red dawn; Laudna to the darkness of her mind. Being tied to her limbs earns you more puppet symbolism, particularly after Delilah's resurgence. 

“For a moment, I was gone /  The speed of light into the red dawn / In this space, do I belong?/ It’s dark out here in my own thoughts / Pull me back out of my body / I’m tied to my limbs”

“Blood Moon” - Saint Sister

The moon sure is tempting. The pulls for both of them are getting stronger. Things are getting darker, harder, more intense. 

“And so I wonder will those scattered pits / Take root behind your cracking lips / They are always doing that [...] / The hunter’s moon was bleeding red / The night you left our thorny bed / You were always, always”

"Stay" by Haunted Like Human

I try really hard to avoid repeat artists because I feel like it keeps my bias toward one band in check. However. I'm a little convinced this artist is straight-up writing about Laudna at this point. This song isn't quite as musically dark as the other songs by the same artist that have made the playlist. It's a little more acoustic/has more guitar as a connecting bridge to Imogen. Plus, it hits all these specific marks: 1) reassuring that the voice in her head hasn't got the best of her yet 2) begging [Imogen] to stay and to not give up on her 3) apologizing for the weight of her sins and that they're not [Imogen's] to hold 4) addresses [Imogen's] feelings about the voice in Laudna's head.

"Darling you don’t hold me close the way you used to do / And I wonder what you’re thinking when I’m reaching out for you / You’re trying to be patient, yea you’re trying to be kind / But I know that you’re still running from the demons in my mind / But I promise this thing in my head / It ain’t got the best of me yet"

“If We Were Vampires” - Baggio & Hannah Kol

The looming sense that one of them won’t come back. As the end draws near, even if the upcoming fights don’t kill one of them, Imogen will out–age Laudna. 

“It's knowing that this can't go on forever / Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone / Maybe we'll get forty years together / But one day I'll be gone or one day you'll be gone”

“Hesitate” - The Harmaleighs

They’re hiding things from each other as the tension builds. 

“You keep saying you love me / You keep telling me you’re proud / But you don't know who I am / 'Cause you're not even living out loud”

“Soothsayer” - Haunted Like Human

Not gonna lie this is my favorite song on the entire playlist. It is peak Laudna-Delilah. I would quote the entire song if I could. It’s dark, thematically perfect, and haunting. It's also by the same artist as "Afterlife," Laudna's "death" song to reflect that link. I imagine this is late C3 as Laudna continues to feed Delilah. My favorite line: “The thing that you hate / Is the thing you've become.”

“There's a price to be paid / But ain't that every trade? / You're just looking for strength when you're weak / Oh you know there's a flickering darkness / And it sings out like sirens to you / Yea it's sickly sweet and elegantly violent / But these debts that you take / They will someday come due / Hungry hands reaching up / Crave for more, lust for blood”

“Hurricane” - Bandits on the Run

While still being them having to navigate their relationship in the midst of the impending end of the world, this song brings to light Imogen’s relationship with her mother, too. She meets her mother in the storm. 

“They told us run for cover / Stay close to home and mother / Don’t seek out any other”

“Chasing Twisters” - Delta Rae

It’s time. Make or break. 

“I was born with lighting in my heels / Sewed a spur onto my ankle / Bit a horse under the steel / And I lost hope when I was still so young [...] / I’ll take you to the grave / The only love I’ve ever known / The only soul I ever saved / And I went home”

Epilogue

At the time of writing, we’re around C3:E95, so from here on out this is even more so my reinterpretation or guesses about the future. I’m hoping to flesh out this section and the middle/end of Act 2. 

“Oh Mama” - honeyhoney

Our transition song. The cacophonous high of the last song into the unbelieving stillness of the piano, the end of a battle. The world has shifted. There’s no going back. 

“All covered in mud the day is done [...] / Oh mama look at my heart / I’m useless now that it’s dark / We’re praying for rain a thunder of change / And lightning to lighten my way”

“If She Ever Leaves Me” - The Highwomen

Alright, this one’s a little self-indulgent, even more so than the others. But don’t we deserve a little wholesome “we made it” energy? I think it also nicely circles back to and reflects the shift away from the early-on Laudna "I'm not good enough for her; she's going to leave me" vibes we get in songs like "Dandelion," "Curses," "Stay," and even "For My Embalmer."

“I’ve loved her in secret / I’ve loved her out loud / The sky hasn’t always been blue [...] / She loves wild horses and tumbling dice”

“The Time for Flowers” - Emily Scott Robinson

The bookend and parallel to “Dandelion” from much, much earlier. This time, from Imogen’s perspective. Conclusion and continuation of flowers motif. “The skies are clear now. The moon is new.”

“I came upon a woman in a field on her knees / Singing ancient songs and sowing wildflower seeds / Tell me what the point in planting pretty things / In these days of darkness and disease [...] I have witnessed funerals and wars / Worried mothers, empty shelves, and empty stores / The storms will rage and the winds will blow / You are gonna find out that you're stronger than you know”

“Dance in the Graveyards” - Delta Rae

I always knew I was going to end the playlist with this song. It perfectly mirrors “Old Churchyard,” the first of Laudna’s songs. It's also by the same artist as the "climax" of the playlist. The drums give me Laudna, while the folksy sound gives me Imogen. Finding joy in death, in life, in love. Life will go on, new friends and old will come and go. And that’s alright. She’s happy. They’re happy. 

“When I die, I don’t wanna rest in peace / I wanna dance in joy / I wanna dance in the graveyards, the graveyards / And while I’m alive, I don’t wanna be alone / Mourning the ones who came before”

If you're listening to the playlist on a loop, you'll return to "Stories." It reminds us that it was all just a story. It will happen again. Stories and characters and people will move us, make us feel and hurt and love. It is an ending just as much as a new beginning.

[animeloverskylarmoon]

Urahara Kisuke - Short Story: Chapter 4

The following day, you’d dropped by your home and offered drinks and snacks to the workers present before you made your way back to the shop. 

Urahara’s head lifted when he saw you, and he gave a smile at the content expression on your face.

“Someone’s in a good mood. Did something happen?”

He was casually sitting in the main room, legs folded.

His position wasn’t what drew your attention, it was the small animal sitting comfortably in his lap.

He blinked, flinching when you seemed to appear at his side in an instant. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his head when he saw the way you were intently watching the cat. It became clear what you wanted.

“Would you like to hold Yoruichi?”

He lifted her up and from the warm energy emitting off your body, it’s clear that you wanted to.

He laughed under his breath, handing her over. There were practically flowers blooming around you as you held Yoruichi who leaned into your touch. Urahara could just smile.

“I guess she can show those expressions after all.”

He was used to the serious expression you constantly wore. Watching you happily pat Yoruichi brought him ease. He understood that your upbringing had a lot to do with your slightly stoic personality. His eyes drifted to the star shaped bracelet you wore, recalling the conversation he had with Ryuken and Isshin.

He’d called them to discuss you. While he heard that Ichigo had saved you from Yhwach, there was not much more he knew aside from that, and he more than anyone knew that it paid to be careful.

“When I found her in the world of the living, I was surprised. I know she assumed I was there to kill her.” Ryuken explained.

Isshin turned at the statement, and Urahara seemed just as curious.

“Was she a rogue?” Urahara asked.

Ryuken shook his head.

“Far from it. She was one of the few that hated the senseless killing. A few of them enjoyed it, seeing all that death. She was different. Every time she fought it was as if a bit of her will died. Losing her grandparents the way she did might have been a mercy, because if circumstances were different, they would have killed them.”

Hearing such words was disheartening.

If he could give just a small piece of happiness, then he would.

His hand lifted, and for a second he was going to reach out, but he stopped himself, lowering his hand back into his lap.

“Better to keep that distance..”

He mentally scolded himself. After what you’d been through, the last thing you needed was any complicated situations.

He needed to thread carefully.

So he did and before he knew it, four months had passed.

Everything was coming along. Your home was halfway done, and each day, the idea of being there again brought you happiness.

Ichigo came by a few times to check in, and some weekends you would spend them with Jinta and Ururu, making sales and restocking. The topic of your new house came up, and you didn’t expect it when Urahara made the suggestion.

“Photos?”

He nodded.

“You probably don’t have anything to put in that brand new house. We should take a few group photos so you can hang them everywhere!”

He looked pretty excited, and you couldn’t really argue with the logic. Your house would be pretty vacant when you move in.

You turned to Ururu who nodded shly. Jinta just folded his arms.

“I guess a few pictures of me are fine. After all, who wouldn’t want that.” He looked pretty cocky, and you wore a small smile. Ichigo stepped over to you.

“I can call Orihime, Sado and Uryuu if you want.”

“Yes, I would like that very much.”

So you all choose a day that would work, and you’d end up in front of Urahara’s shop with his camera propped on the stand.

He clicked the button.

“Everyone says cheese!”

He was rushing by to your side, and everyone smiled as it flashed. By the time the pictures were done, you were all having a meal inside.

They were all talking so happily as they gave updates of life and everything in between. For a moment, all you could do was observe. The small space was so lively, and the smiles they wore, it gave you a sense of warmth. You’d almost forgotten what it was like. The last time you’d felt this way was when your grandparents were alive.

The joy of having friends, a family..

Your head lowered, and in all the conversations, you’d expertly excused yourself. Making your way outside, you’d jump right onto the roof. There was always something relaxing about watching the town from above.

“Not one for gatherings.”

Urahara’s statement made you look down. He was on the ground, and in an instant, he was right there up on the roof with you.

“It’s strange, being around so many people that only want happiness for the other. I suppose in a way I forgot what it felt like.”

Urahara nods, watching your seated form.

“Being around them, it helps. All of us, we understand that the world isn’t as carefree as so many people believe. Regardless of what they’ve endured, somehow they always managed to get through it with a smile."

He chuckled, tipping his hat down.

“I guess even an old shopkeeper can learn a thing or two from them.”

So could you.

With a soft breath, you stood, and Urahara raised his head, not expecting the tears that were running down your cheeks. Despite it, you were wearing the biggest smile. The first one that you’d truly offered to him.

“Arigatou, Urahara-san.”

Your expression had caught him completely off guard, and his eyes softened. You looked so unapologetically happy, and at that very moment he realized he wanted to ensure that you never lost that smile.

He reached out, and you blinked when you felt his palm on your cheek. You stared, and he said nothing, merely brushing the tear from your cheeks. The fondness is his eyes, they made your cheeks heat up.

“Oiii!! What are you doing you pervert!! I said don’t do anything weird to (Y/N)!”

Urahara wasn’t offered a chance to defend himself, because Ichigo had delivered a swift kick to his chin that sent him barelling into the sky. You just watched, a bead of sweat running down the side of your head.

It’s obvious Ichigo is nothing if not diligent. 

[mariacallous]

A few years ago I wrote about how, when planning my wedding, I’d signaled to the Pinterest app that I was interested in hairstyles and tablescapes, and I was suddenly flooded with suggestions for more of the same. Which was all well and fine until—whoops—I canceled the wedding and it seemed Pinterest pins would haunt me until the end of days. Pinterest wasn’t the only offender. All of social media wanted to recommend stuff that was no longer relevant, and the stench of this stale buffet of content lingered long after the non-event had ended.

So in this new era of artificial intelligence—when machines can perceive and understand the world, when a chatbot presents itself as uncannily human, when trillion-dollar tech companies use powerful AI systems to boost their ad revenue—surely those recommendation engines are getting smarter, too. Right?

Maybe not.

Recommendation engines are some of the earliest algorithms on the consumer web, and they use a variety of filtering techniques to try to surface the stuff you’ll most likely want to interact with—and in many cases, buy—online. When done well, they’re helpful. In the earliest days of photo sharing, like with Flickr, a simple algorithm made sure you saw the latest photos your friend had shared the next time you logged in. Now, advanced versions of those algorithms are aggressively deployed to keep you engaged and make their owners money.

More than three years after reporting on what Pinterest internally called its “miscarriage” problem, I’m sorry to say my Pinterest suggestions are still dismal. In a strange leap, Pinterest now has me pegged as a 60- to 70-year-old, silver fox of a woman who is seeking a stylish haircut. That and a sage green kitchen. Every day, like clockwork, I receive marketing emails from the social media company filled with photos suggesting I might enjoy cosplaying as a coastal grandmother.

I was seeking paint #inspo online at one point. But I’m long past the paint phase, which only underscores that some recommendation engines may be smart, but not temporal. They still don’t always know when the event has passed. Similarly, the suggestion that I might like to see “hairstyles for women over 60” is premature. (I’m a millennial.)

Pinterest has an explanation for these emails, which I’ll get to. But it’s important to note—so I’m not just singling out Pinterest, which over the past two years has instituted new leadership and put more resources into fine-tuning the product so people actually want to shop on it—that this happens on other platforms, too.

Take Threads, which is owned by Meta and collects much of the same user data that Facebook and Instagram do. Threads is by design a very different social app than Pinterest. It’s a scroll of mostly text updates, with an algorithmic “For You” tab and a “Following” tab. I actively open Threads every day; I don’t stumble into it, the way I do from Google Image Search to images on Pinterest. In my Following tab, Threads shows me updates from the journalists and techies I follow. In my For You tab, Threads thinks I’m in menopause.

Wait, what? Laboratorially, I’m not. But over the past several months Threads has led me to believe I might be. Just now, opening the mobile app, I’m seeing posts about perimenopause; women in their forties struggling to shrink their midsections, regulate their nervous systems, or medicate for late-onset ADHD; husbands hiring escorts; and Ali Wong’s latest standup bit about divorce. It’s a Real Housewives-meets-elder-millennial-ennui bizarro world, not entirely reflective of the accounts I choose to follow or my expressed interests.

Meta gave a boilerplate response when I asked how Threads weights its algorithm and determines what people want to see. Spokesperson Seine Kim said what I’m seeing is personalized to me based on a number of signals, “such as accounts and posts you have interacted with in the past on both Threads and Instagram. We also consider factors like how recently a post was made and how many interactions it has received.” (A better explanation might be that Threads has a rage-bait problem, as this intrepid reporter learned.)

What scares me most about this is not that Meta has a shitbucket of data on me (old news) or that the health hacks I’m being shown might be completely illegitimate. It’s that I might be lingering on these posts more than I realize, unconsciously shoveling more signals in and anxiously spiraling around my own identity in the process. For those of us who came of age on the internet some 20 to 30 years ago, the way these recommendation systems work now represents a fundamental shift to how we long thought of our lives online. We used to log on to tell people who we were, or who we wanted to be; now the machines tell us who we are, and sometimes, we might even believe them.

As for Pinterest, I granted the company access to my account so they could investigate why the app recommends ageist, AARP-grade content to me in its emails. It turns out I hadn’t actively logged in to the app in over a year, which means the data it has one me is, ironically, old. Back then I was researching paint, so the app thinks I’m still into that.

Then there’s the grandma hair: Not only had I searched on Pinterest for skincare products and hairstyles in the long-ago past, but Pinterest gives a lot of weight to data from other users who have searched for similar items. So perhaps those other, non-identifiable users are into these hairstyles. The company claims its perceived relevance for recommendations has improved over the past year.

Pinterest’s suggested solution for me? Use Pinterest more. Un-pin stuff I don’t like. Threads also suggested I can fine-tune my own feed by swiping left to hide a post or tapping a three-dot menu to indicate I’m not interested. It’s on me, young buck. In both cases, I’m supposed to tell the algorithms who I am.

I’m supposed to do the work. I’m supposed to swipe more. I’ll be so much better off if I do. And so will they.

[sheepwithspecs]

Echar Agua al Mar: Chapter 1

|| DP Coco (2017) || Rated T ||

Ao3 Link

For Imelda, trying to prevent Héctor from coming back into her life is like throwing water into the sea: pointless. With her family keen to accept the strange musician, and a challenge she can hardly refuse, she soon finds herself caught up in the continuation of a romance decades in the making. [Updates every Saturday]

Author's Note:

A lot of people wanted this one back, so I took the time to sit down and rewrite it properly. I plan on writing a proper ending, but it will be finished as-is (with no added chapters). I don't plan to write anything else for the DP-Coco fandom, so please accept this reworked fic as a celebration of my short, but meaningful time here. As roughly as it ended, I still would not trade those years for the world. I met some of the best people in that fandom, many of which I am still in contact with as friends and mutuals.

I want to take the time to thank each and every reader who has reached out over the years asking about this fic (as well as other DPC fics). The fact that you remember my work fondly means more to me than words can really describe. I wanted to finish this for you, so it's my fervent hope that you enjoy it just as much, if not more, as you enjoyed the original WIP. Please don't stop reaching out, either! In this day and age, it's rare to get reviews on fics anymore. If there's something you enjoyed, no matter how small, I promise that it would make my day to hear it!

The Rivera family was in distress.

Before the last Día de Los Muertos, they had been perfectly content with their lives—if a skeletal soul could indeed be called "living". They had a certain pride in being the best shoemakers in the Land of the Dead, and in death they worked much as they had in life: hard. But now production had slacked off unexpectedly; the twins fulfilled the quota of only one man, Julio made more mistakes in one hour than he had in nearly twenty years, Rosita polished at a tortoise's speed, and even Victoria made simple errors, growing frustrated as she was forced to thread and rethread her needle.

If Mamá Imelda saw them, she might have gloated that her ban on music was well and just. It was music—or the lack of it—that kept the family working at a plodding pace. They'd had a taste of the tunes, a bite of the proverbial apple, and now they were tempted for more. They heard rhythm in the steady ringing of the twins' hammers, in the swish-swish of Victoria's needle, in the scrubbing of Rosita's polishing brush. The Rivera harmony, so easy to recognize, to hum along to… if they weren't in the habit of suppressing those same urges.

But the family matriarch was nowhere to be found downstairs, and could not scold their behavior from the living quarters on the second floor. It was early afternoon, and so Imelda was in her bedroom, hiding… though no one would have dared suggest such a thing within earshot.

"Mamá Imelda can't blame us now," Julio murmured. "Not when she herself sang at the Sunrise Spectacular. In front of everyone, too." It was a conversation they'd repeated over and over again for three months.

"It's true," Oscar added. "She sang again, and so beautifully! But if she heard us…." He was irritated, more with himself than with his older sister. He hated working as though he were a greenhorn cobbler. If he could only finish the day's quota, he could spend the rest of the afternoon tinkering on inventions with his twin. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't stop his foot from tapping along in time with his hammer.

"Then let her hear us," Victoria huffed, squinting over the rims of her spectacles. The needle was mere inches from her eye sockets, shaking slightly as she aimed. "Maybe that will be what makes her come downstairs for a change."

"She won't." Felipe looked over his shoulder, shaking his skull at his great-niece. "Not so early in the afternoon. Not before…" he trailed off, gazing pointedly at the clock just above her elegant bun.

"And so? Why not sing?" Victoria lifted her eyes from her work, pushing the spectacles up her skull with one dainty finger. "If there's no danger of her coming down." She sighed as the twins shook their heads in unison. "Oh, if my mamá could see us now. She'd have a good laugh at us all."

"Ah, he's coming!" Rosita announced suddenly, rising from her chair at the window. She let the unfinished shoe in her hand fall to the table, the brush tossed aside as she raced for the door. Everyone paused in their work, following Felipe's eyes towards the clock.

"Right on schedule," Julio said with a smile. "By the way, what will today's excuse be? The corner store?"

"No, we used that one yesterday."

"A walk?"

"We used that one two days ago." They stared at one another with growing concern, each racking their brain for some useful idea. Finally Rosita shook her head, shrugging helplessly at Julio. He blew out a low breath, hands stuck deep into his pockets.

"You say something," Oscar muttered, elbowing his brother in the ribs.

"Why me?" Felipe gulped. "You know I can't think under pressure!"

"Neither can I!"

"I'll say something." Victoria stood as well, brushing bits of thread from her apron. The twins sighed in relief, dropping their hammers simultaneously to the workbench as everyone in the room turned towards the open door in anticipation of their daily visitor. A moment later, there was a self-conscious knock as a man stepped just past the threshold. He was dressed in ragged clothing—espantapájaros, Victoria often muttered under her breath—with his sleeve barely hanging by a thread and shoeless as the day he was born. His gold tooth glinted in the afternoon sunlight as he grinned sheepishly, his hat clutched in nervous hands.

"Hello, Héctor," the Riveras chanted in unison, the start of their new daily routine.

"Hello, everyone." The hat brim began its revolution as Héctor's anxious fingers began to twist. "I've come to… I mean: is Imelda at home today?" The twins shared a sympathetic wince. Rosita's fingers clacked against her cheekbones as she raised her hands to her face. Victoria looked around the room, adjusted her glasses, and scowled.

"This has gone on long enough!" she declared, ignoring the shocked gasps from the rest of the family. "Of course she's here! She's been here every day for as long as you've been coming."

"Ahaha… I, uh… I thought that might be the case." Héctor sighed, looking down at his bare feet. "There's only so many times someone might go to the markets, after all." He looked so pitiable, dashed hopes and guilt and shame, standing in their doorway like a beggar searching for alms. Rosita clucked and guided him to her empty chair, inviting him in properly now that Victoria had broken the routine.

Héctor had given them all of a month before showing up out of the blue, hoping to speak with his wife. Of course, they had all been under strict orders after day one to not let him inside. If he asked, they were supposed to offer some excuse as to why Imelda was not downstairs with the rest of the family. Every afternoon she avoided the workshop like the plague, waiting until he had come and gone before venturing downstairs to complete her portion of the day's work.

This left the rest of the family with no choice but to scramble and find sixty days' worth of excuses to feed him, along with their best what-can-be-done expressions. They would have much rather invited him in, treated him as one of their own, and marched him up to Imelda's room without a word of protest. But the family matriarch's orders overruled any personal attachment to Héctor. At least, it had… until today.

"So." Héctor placed his hat on the table, linking his fingers politely in his lap. "She asked you to cover for her."

"She did," Victoria answered for them, "but this is getting out of hand."

"Even though you knew we were lying, and that Imelda didn't want to see you… you still came every day?" Oscar asked curiously, running a finger over his thin mustache. Héctor managed a one-sided shrug, smiling sadly. "That's pretty stubborn of you."

"Imelda's just as stubborn as you, though," Felipe pointed out, leaning against the workbench. "She won't come downstairs. Not even if you come every day for the next century."

"Victoria?" Julio waved his hand in his daughter's face, a frown twisting his mustache. "Go upstairs and ask Mamá Imelda to come down. For your Papá Héctor's sake."

"No! No, don't bother her. If she doesn't want to see me, then…." Héctor stood quickly, scratching at his thin goatee before offering them a much happier smile. "Tell me, how much would I have to pay for a pair of genuine Rivera boots?"

"What?!" Rosita shook her head in dismay. "What on earth are you talking about? You're family, of course they'd be free—" Oscar and Felipe immediately bent, each studying one of his feet.

"Come now, I'm willing to pay something—"

"No, Héctor." Julio crossed his arms. "Rosita's right. Family doesn't pay for shoes. But, eh…." He glanced warily at Victoria. "What do you think Mamá Imelda will have to say?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. You can leave her to me-e-e—!" Héctor jerked his foot away from Oscar, the appendage flopping loosely as he hopped off-balance. "Hey, watch it! That tickles!"

"But—"

"Listen: Imelda is your mamá. Of course you will do as she says, and don't ask questions. That's the way it should be. But she's my Imelda." His eyes twinkled. "I know how to deal with her. You can leave that to me. I just thought that since I have no plans to stop visiting my family, I might as well have a proper excuse of my own." He leaned in, motioning for them to join him. They huddled around him, close enough that their heads were nearly touching.

"As far as you're concerned," he whispered, "I've given up on seeing Imelda. I've accepted that she doesn't want to see me. And if you do see us together, just… y'know." He smiled again, but this time the expression was far more playful. "She's my wife, isn't she? Act natural."

"Natural?" Oscar parroted, only to get thumped on the skull. "Oh, right! Natural!" They all chuckled, save for Victoria's modest headshake. Héctor nodded and they broke apart.

"I'm sure boots take quite a while to make, yes?" He asked in a much louder tone, directing his voice towards the stairs. "Especially custom boots for your Papá Héctor!"

"You're right!" Julio agreed just as loudly, winking at Rosita. "Custom boots take a very long time!"

"Yes! Weeks!" Rosita giggled.

"Then I'll leave you all," Héctor nearly shouted, taking his hat and waving it with a flourish, "to your work!" As he jammed the hat on his head, there was a soft sound… almost like the rustling of skirts at the head of a grand staircase.

"Come back tomorrow for a proper sizing," Victoria advised, one eye on the stairs. "That way, we won't have to second-guess ourselves once we begin."

"Understood!" He winked once more before turning, offering a little wave over his shoulder. "See you tomorrow, everyone."

"Adiós, Héctor!" The Riveras waved him out the door, looking at one another before stifling their laughter. If Héctor was volunteering to take the brunt of Imelda's anger, they were more than willing to sneak around and help them any way they could. After all, her mighty arm was often the only thing that kept them in line, and something about Héctor's goofy charm made him hard to resist. Maybe that was what she had meant, blaming him for Miguel's naughtiness on Día de Los Muertos: his mischief was catching.

"It's all right, Mamá!" Julio called at the foot of the stairs. "He's gone now." There wasn't a full thirty seconds of silence before Imelda was among them, eyeing them all suspiciously with her usual motherly intuition.

"It took longer than normal to make him leave this time…." She trailed off expectantly, waiting for someone to explain. Without batting an eye, Victoria took over.

"We ran out of excuses and had to think of something else." It was a lie by omission, but it rang enough of the truth that she felt confident staring directly into her grandmother's eyes. "He stayed because he wanted to order some boots."

"Boots?" Imelda repeated, her mouth pursing in distaste. "What sort of boots?"

"Custom boots," Rosita explained. "He's tired of walking around in his bare feet."

"And you accepted him?" For the first time, Imelda seemed unhappy about a potential sale. "Why? Now he has an excuse to come inside and—anyway, you should have turned him away," she fussed, running both hands over her immaculate hairstyle and patting it into place nervously.

"It's our fault," Oscar spoke up, hands clasped in false penitence. "Felipe and I couldn't turn him down."

"We haven't made a custom order of boots in so long. We were excited, Imelda."

"We didn't think, and he is—"

"—like a brother to us, after all."

"It's not just anyone," Rosita pointed out gently. "It's Papá Héctor. We can't refuse him."

"Papá Héctor?" Imelda groaned. "Since when is he— Never mind." She crossed her arms, staring out the open door. "I can't even blame you for it. A Rivera has never been able to turn away someone in need of shoes. Even if it's him. And it's only for a few more days."

"Maybe a week," Julio corrected her. "Or more. We have a lot of orders…."

"Ay… heaven help me."

Héctor sat at the edge of Shantytown, kicking his feet off the ledge as he thought. People passed by, shouting greetings to him from the docks, but he was far too lost in his own mind to pay much attention. As was the case lately, his thoughts were focused on one goal: Imelda.

Admittedly he was out of practice, and quite rusty when it came to the art of courtship. In the olden days, back when they were alive, it had been more a scheme of getting her to notice him at all. He had even rejected the help of his best friend, afraid that Ernesto might catch her eye before he could ever hope to. That was good: he hadn't needed him then, and certainly didn't need him now.

Most of his ideas for getting back into her good graces were the same as his former exploits: serenading by moonlight, offering her gifts, winning her over with his irresistible charm… he no longer had the dimples she so admired, by he was still quite handsome, if he said so himself.

The real question was: would she ever indulge him?

Probably not at first. He frowned, staring up at the city lights dancing above him. He'd given her a full month, slipping away after the Sunrise Spectacular and biding his time. Imelda could hold a nasty grudge—he had firsthand knowledge of that. Years of bitterness would not disappear overnight, just because they'd had one song together, one small adventure with their living progeny. Before Miguel had come, he'd given up hope of reaching her at all.

But.

That's for murdering the love of my life!

The thwap of the huarache against bone rang over and over in his head: a sound of hope. He was the love of her life! Even all these months later, he still couldn't quite believe it.

I still have a chance. I'm the love of her life.

It was that mentality that had him coming to the Rivera household day after day, standing awkwardly in the doorway and asking to see her. He could tell that the family was willing, even if the woman was not. There was pity in their expressions as they lied to his face, telling him that he'd just missed her, that she'd gone for a walk, or to get more thread, or to deliver a rush order of shoes.

Imelda was a stubborn woman, that was for sure. But he was a stubborn man. Year after year he'd gone to that dumb bridge, knowing full well that he would not be able to cross. Compared to that, romancing his own estranged wife would be a piece of cake! He planned it out in his head, days of shoemaking and nights of wooing. She'd be begging him to stay within the month. Maybe. Hopefully.

It was a foolproof plan… so long as she didn't call for Pepita.

[samueldays]

'Effectively, Ukraine has eliminated Russian ground forces'

...claimed an 'Eastern Europe expert' in this thread in March 2022, one month into the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

I was reminded of him when looking through some chatlogs today. At the time, I thought he was making absurd predictions, but figured he might try to water them down to claim something like accuracy if Ukraine won in the next month or two, stretching the definitions of words.

Now it's been a year and a half, and I want to revisit Sergej Sumlenny's bluster, not just for him being thoroughly personally wrong, but as a general reminder that anyone can call themselves an expert, and still be completely wrong.

In the first month of the war, this guy was saying shit like:

Russia and its army are about to collapse. RU obviously has no reserves left

Russia has been "about to collapse" every month for the last twenty months, somehow.

According to Ukrainian intelligence (and they get much info from the US I guess) Russia has already used 95% of all its ground forces gathered for the invasion, and it makes almost 100% of Russia's active ground forces. Effectively, Ukraine has eliminated Russian ground forces

If Ukraine would resist several more days, I am sure Russia will face the biggest defeat in its history. Nothing comparable. It will also trigger independency movements in Russia-occupied countries of Tatarstan, Bashkortostan, Ichkeriya, Sakha, Komi and others

I am not seeing these things that were supposed to happen after "several more days".

When Moscow army will be eliminated (and it nearly is)

I am also sure - very soon we will face a shiny glorious future without the Prison of Nations. Thank to brave Ukrainians.

"very soon" has come and gone, Sergej, why are you still here?

The simple explanation, IMO, is that this guy is a pure propagandist, nothing else.

Perhaps he was never attempting to say anything true at all, he was completely disconnected from the evidence, Ukraine paid him to say pro-Ukraine things so he said the things his paymaster wanted. If Russia had paid him, he would have said the opposite.

But the thing about the Sumlennys of the world is that someone has put quite a lot of money into making them look expert. A Twitter account is free and can be set up in five minutes. A website for the European Resilience Center, maybe fifteen minutes and ten bucks to host. The content over at European Resilience, with regular updates, takes a bit more work. But Sumlenny being interviewed by external sources like France24 is not so easily manufactured.

For more on Ukraine's planned counter-offensive and all of the latest in Russia's brutal year-long invasion, FRANCE 24 is joined by Sergej Sumlenny, Journalist, Political Analyst, and Managing Director of the European Resilience Initiative Center.

Sumlenny got similar treatment in a wide variety of news outlets from ABC to Al Jazeera. Journalism delenda est. Both for Sumlenny personally, and for the many other journalists who interviewed him, respected him, failed to fact-check him, treated him as an expert, and gave him the prestige of an expert. There's two different meanings of "expert":

"expert" as in "has a credential and is used as a source on the subject being discussed"

"expert" as in "consistently produces good results and correct predictions"

and Sumlenny was very much the first sort. Which also has two meanings when I say it: that he was not the second sort, and that people did cite him and invite him and treat his opinion as being worth more than some random Tumblr blog.

(One might like to have a word that only means the second sort of expert. Good luck keeping it!)

The information ecosystem is polluted by Sumlennys. It's easy and common to go "Russian bot", but one should also have a mental space for "Ukranian bot", and then expand that term far enough to include Sumlenny, or have some other term for the less-obviously-bot-like people performing expertise as they spout nonsense. There is no side that is free of lies and nonsense, there is no credential that is clean, there is no institution that is clean. The clown world experts are everywhere. Sumlenny was not acting alone, nor is he unique, Sumlenny merely happened to get my attention, and the "factcheck" system that journalists love to talk about didn't catch him. It's not going to catch slightly more subtle lies. Epistemology is hard.

[thief-of-eggs]

‘Thoughts of You Consume’ writing update for you all (plus a sneak peek of a later chapter)

First off, I want to say thank you to all of you who have been reading and invested in my works. Truly, I cannot tell you how much your support means to me, and it never fails to make me giggle and kick my feet when I think of how many people are enjoying my silly stories.

For everyone asking- yes, I am still writing my snowjanus longfic ‘Thoughts of You Consume’. I’ve gotten a lot of comments and asks, and it felt easier to post this then answer them all (although I still might try to)

There has been a lot that’s arisen in my personal life this past month (unexpected move, loss of a pet, relapse with my auto-immune disorder) that has caused me to put my fics on hold while I focused on getting my life back on track. (Aka- i’ve been reading a shit ton of books. Sometimes the writer just needs to be the reader for a moment)

I have not forgotten about the fic, or about all of you lovely readers! I have the next chapter half written, and I try to visit it every day to add even just a little <3

I’m hoping to have a new update for you soon, but in the meantime, as a treat- enjoy this little excerpt from a future chapter:

(Spoiler Warning)

Coriolanus is quiet as he sneaks back in to the Snow’s apartment, though he’s not entirely sure why. Surely their grandmother has already gone to bed, and it’s not like he has anything to hide. So he’d been out with a friend- that’s not too absurd is it?

Yet he still feels as though he’s done something wrong.

He begins to head straight to his room, but pauses as he passes their kitchen, seeing a candle lit on the table. His cousin is bent over her latest bit of embroidery- some tablecloth for Fabricia. He doesn’t know what leads him to it, but he finds himself walking closer, crossing in to their little kitchen.

His foot steps on a creaky floorboard, causing Tigris to startle, before laying her eyes on him.

“Oh! You’re home- I hadn’t heard you come in.”

Coriolanus hums, walking silently to their worn kitchen table, and takes a seat across from his cousin.

“Did you have a nice night?”

Again he hums, watching as she returns to her embroidery. Her needle slides delicately through the fabric, weaving an intricate floral design with mere thread alone.

“Did you eat while at the Plinths?”

A spike of fear grips his heart- how did she know where he’d been? He certainly hadn’t told her, that’s for sure. But then… where else is he known to go? He doesn’t maintain friendships outside of the Academy, hasn’t gone over to anyone’s place besides Sejnaus’s. Yes, that’s right. It was a mere logical deduction on her part, nothing more. She hasn’t picked up on anything, other than his mundane habits.

The thought eases a bit of his chest, though really, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she knew. Tigris has come to be his one and only confidant, and the fact that he’s kept this from her so long eats away at his insides, a muddled up secret begging to be set free.

The two of them sit in relative silence for a while after. Coriolanus watches the candle sink lower and lower, his mind playing over the events of the day, playing over Sejanus’s face, Sejanus’s words, Sejanus’s everything.

Eventually, it becomes too much to bear. He opens his mouth and pauses, weighing his words in his throat before finally speaking.

“Can I- can I ask you something Tigris?”

His cousin looks up from her embroidery, her needle in hand as she peers at him in the dim light. She cocks her head, care and concern laced in her expression.

“Of course Coryo. What is it?”

Coriolanus takes in a breath, holding it carefully in his chest before releasing. He tries and fails to formulate just how to go about asking what he means. Eventually, he settles for something more cryptic than he’d have liked.

“Would it be so wrong if I were… different?” Coriolanus asks, desperately hoping Tigris will somehow pick out his deeper thoughts and meaning.

“Different how?” She replies, and Coriolanus feels his chest deflate like a balloon. Of course she couldn’t know- and he isn’t likely to tell her just now.

“Never mind,” he mumbles, standing from the table. He’s suddenly quite exhausted, and finds he’d like nothing more than to curl up and let the day be washed away in the grips of sleep.

“Coryo, wait-“

Tigris stands as well, reaching out to grab onto his arm. He allows himself to be stopped, turning to face his cousin as she steps closer, standing directly in front of him as she places her hands on his shoulders.

“Different is never bad, Coryo.” Her eyes bore intently into his, so full of tenderness, full of love and care. “You could be all sorts of different, and it wouldn’t matter one bit to me.”

Coriolanus can’t tell if she’s grasped at anything, or if her statement is truly a blanket one. But still, it makes the ache in his chest loosen, makes his eyes flood with tears that he can’t fully understand, besides knowing that they’re partly forming out of relief that his cousin wouldn’t abandon him should she find out he were disgrace to their family name.

“Thank you Tigris,” he murmurs. She reaches up to cup his cheek, gently wiping away a stray tear that falls.

“Oh Coryo,” she whipsers, before pulling him close in her arms. He buries his face in her neck, holding his breath as though he could hold in his tears, his eyes screwed shut as her hand passes gently through his hair.

He pulls back a moment later, his vision blurred by his unshed tears. “I’m off to bed,” he says with a sniff, stepping back with his gaze trained at the floor. He doesn’t wish to see Tigris’s pity in her eyes just now, doesn’t wish to see all the ways she might suspect him different.

“Alright,” she murmurs. “Sleep well Coryo.”

He nods, turning on his heel to trudge back into his bedroom. Once past the threshold, he closes his door, leaning back on the thick mahogany wood with his eyes squeezed shut, his breath held tight in his chest.

It’s no use now that he’s alone. The sobs come quietly, because Coriolanus had learned early on in life how to manage his grief in silence. Slowly, he slides down the door until he’s sitting on the barren floor. He tugs his knees up to his chest, buries his face in his hands, and weeps.

He can’t fully work out just what he’s weeping for.

[merrock]

HAPPY SEPTEMBER !

Can you believe that we've made it to the 'ber months already?! September is coming in strong, with a ton of little mini events, our Grill-Off, and Creek Fest! Under the cut, you will find a list of everything going on in town (feel free to interact with any of the events any way that you see fit!), plus some rule reminders and a few mod notes that are important to read. xx

ON THE CALENDAR !

SEPTEMBER 1 -- WORLD LETTER WRITING DAY: a fun day to write a letter to anyone you'd like... except we're letting you do it all month long, as a part of this recycled task.

SEPTEMBER 2 -- LABOR DAY: with schools and some businesses closed, it's the perfect opportunity to get out and enjoy a picnic with your family, or a fun day with your friends.

SEPTEMBER 3 -- FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: the kids in elementary, junior and high school head back to school, as well as the professors and students at Merrock Community College!

SEPTEMBER 4 -- WILDLIFE DAY: come to the state park and jump in on a flora and fauna walk to get to know all of the wonderful wildlife around Merrock.

SEPTEMBER 6 -- FOOTBALL GAME: home!

SEPTEMBER 7 -- THE GREAT MERROCK GRILL-OFF: info here!

SEPTEMBER 12 -- VIDEO GAMES DAY: the Community Center has arranged for a fun day where everyone is invited to come out and play video games! Bring your own consoles & games.

SEPTEMBER 13 -- FOOTBALL GAME: away!

SEPTEMBER 17 -- COUNTRY MUSIC DAY: starting at 5PM at Tumbleweed, live country music will be taking the stage, perfect for you to bring your honey out for some boot, scoot 'n boogie.

SEPTEMBER 20 -- FOOTBALL GAME: away!

SEPTEMBER 21-28 -- CREEK FEST: info here!

SEPTEMBER 22 -- FIRST DAY OF FALL: get out and enjoy the fall air! or at least, hopefully, we're not still dealing with summer's heat, and can relish in the best season.

SEPTEMBER 25 -- LOBSTER DAY: head on down to Sandcastles to enjoy some delicious lobster dishes at a discount, or make your way over to the fish market to pick some up to cook at home!

SEPTEMBER 26 -- BINGO NIGHT: stop by the fire hall to play a couple of rounds of bingo, with all money raised going directly to the volunteer fire department.

SEPTEMBER 27 -- FOOTBALL GAME: home!

SEPTEMBER 29 -- COFFEE DAY: buy one, get one free on any and all coffee drinks that you could possibly one at Cobblestone! one day only, so don't miss out!

IMPORTANT STUFF !

I have updated our rules for the season! Please take a little time to read them over when you have the chance. Most everything has stayed the same, but there are a few little things that I wanted to talk about, to make sure we clarify expectations:

the waiting period between muses has been moved to two weeks. 99% of pick-ups were waiting this long anyway, and we think it makes sense as far as settling in first!

every other FC you pick up must be diverse. however, once you reach 3, you are no longer allowed to play more cis white muses than diverse muses. that means that if you play 2 white and 2 diverse, to pick up a 5th, they must be diverse. the goal is that half or more of your characters must be diverse.

for activity checks, I will be looking for bubbling every week instead of every other -- however, you are only interacting with one writer that week, we will give you a warning, instead of an automatic strike. this way, you have a chance to fix it for a whole week before you will be given a strike!

AREAS OF IMPROVEMENT !

Genuinely, from the bottom of our hearts: we love this group. But of course, there is always room for improvement, things that we can all do to keep dash a more fun, productive space for everyone. This month, we're asking everyone to be mindful about maintaining interactions / threads with everyone in the group. Avoid dropping threads that people might be relying on for activity -- for example, if you want to let something from the carnival go, hey, no one's going to mind that, it's older! But if you're dropping beach bash threads on day four of the beach bash, that's not so great. Be sure that you're keeping up with all of the threads you have. It's okay if you have heavy muse for something, as long as you are still working on other threads and not letting them fall behind. With the start of a new month, it's always a good time to get into new practices! Maybe make yourself a thread tracker, so you can keep track of what you owe, and things aren't left by the wayside, or just get into the habit of double, triple checking that you're replying to everything, and not just the most recent things that come up (older stuff gets buried). Whatever works for you. And it's also a good time to start new things! To reach out to writers that you haven't gotten the chance to write with yet, or maybe to reach out to those you are writing with and say hey, let's start something fresh! xx

A WORD FROM THE MOD !

for the time being, I will be leaving anonymous off. but our ask box is always open, and we hope that you trust us enough to speak to us off of anon if there are any issues or questions!

we have decided to move forward with the week of fun Halloween related things to do (Hallo-week, if you will), thanks to your feedback! it's going to be easier for us and also provide more things for you guys to do, but Vibrations will be open for partying, too. the Benefactor will be asking for ideas soon!

please don't forget about our interest check! you must like it before September 6th to keep your role(s) in the group!

aaand, we have new, shiny things! graphics! a new task! an old task! creek fest's announcement went up. enjoy it!

HAVE A GREAT SEPTEMBER !

[trannyradfem]

I seriously can't fucking believe the people on this website sometimes I swear to fucking GOD ugh.

I was visiting my grandpa in hospice!! grieving... Sometimes, a block is just a block. and not about you.

Like, please! For your own sake, even. Don't take them that personally. There is no shortage of people who disagree with me on this site, and I'm open to discussion, but I don't have the resources to fully entertain discource with every single person I interact with. Especially as this blog surprisingly grows more popular than any blog I've ever had. I did NOT see that coming. It's absolutely nothing personal.

If you're fighty about it, or I see other comments by you-- after I've interacted-- that indicate you're going to be hateful or cruel back at me, then yeah, I probably will block you. And honestly I feel more validated in my block after being shown said person saying "no debate is a TRA tactic" and "TRA trolls infiltrating radblr" when describing what I did. It's dehumanizing, acting like we can't possibly be genuine. So no, I don't want to interact with you. I do not genuinely have the energy for that.

Do the same-- curate your internet experience more, seriously, it has such a positive impact on your online experiences, and in no way waters down your radfem beliefs. sometimes posts and threads are just not worth ur time. And there is genuinely research out there on how the things you view and scroll on social media drastically influence the way you think and feel in very subtle ways that can compound over time. Seeing shit you vehemently disagree with that upsets you to that extent on repeat would have a negative impact on anyone's psyche.

Activism should be much more than just Tumblr anyways, yes?

Anyways. For anyone who's followed me, some venty updates under the cut. Sorry I haven't been around or checking notifications. I keep telling myself that I'm going to check every single one of them because I truly do appreciate the interactions and love talking with y'all, but lately I've been stretched thin and on heavy pain meds most of the time. And it's been months, even years for some of you, and the list just keeps growing longer.

I don't know when I'll get better, and it's scary. I've been sick and getting sicker for a long time now, and a lot of it is indeed from the childhood abuse and what they did to my body. But there's things happening that those factors doesn't explain, and given what I know about how the nervous system works, it might not be a great diagnosis. I love y'all and hope y'all forgive me for not being active on here. If I somehow recover I will be more responsive, promise.

I've become wheelchair bound, I'm out of work on medical leave, and every single day I feel like I'm fucking dying from my back spasms. My docs don't know what's wrong with me and I'm fucking terrified for my life after this election. My friend's parent tried to strangle her and we're trying to move her into our place to get her out of there. I have the equivalent of a full semester of revamped medical coding content to learn before I return to work. I'm not ready to lose Papa.

I have. So fucking much on my plate. I am. so tired. vhhbvghn. and I'm running out of money and my debt is catching up to me. I feel so fucking stupid now for buying a vacation plan back when I was healthier because holy shit I can't even leave the house now. The monthly payments are suffocating being out of work.

I worked so hard to build my credit score I'm so scared to lose everything I've worked so hard for. I want to be a doctor so badly, I'm already a licensed professional!! But you can't get hired as a doctor if your credit score is fucked!!! You can't get housing if your credit score is fucked... If I ever had to go back to homeless sex work I think I'd just kill myself. I don't want that, I'm not a suicidal teen anymore, like. FUCK. I want to do something meaningful with my life, I want to make this world a better place.

Today, after picking my brain on my career and the ideas I have to fix the medical industrial complex, a doctor told me I have more experience (wrt how the medical system works from several different angles) than most DOCTORS have and I was stunned. Like I squealed out a "thank you..!" and just clammed up.

That meant so fucking much to me. I feel like I have so much potential and being disabled and sick is just so fucking frustrating. Like holy fuck I'm on the right track, there are doctors that barely know me who are impressed with the very little I've been able to accomplish. Like, I gotta keep pushing forward, surviving wasn't all for naught. It's a bit of hope for me.

My nerve ablation is coming up soon, I can't wait. It's been 7 long years of that compression fracture bullshit. I'm so ready to be able to stand and exercise again.